My Stalkers* ♥

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I'm feeling super happy^^ Though we ain't tgthr, th outcome's getting better. Made a stupid decision by just wanting to be your sister like friend. But what choice do I have? Since I've confessed, you know it, I'll just wait, since its quite impossible to get over you. Though I haven't forgotten you've hurt me, I'll just allow time to heal the wounds. I feel blessed having you around. To be th one who'll be there for me. I hope it'll last. This is the first time I'm being so honest and daring to a guy. I took the inniciative and confessed. Well I don't regret it. Even though your heart ain't here, at least you are. Ni de kuai le deng yu wo de kuai le. I just want to see you happy even if it ain't over me. Hope everyday will see you happy and things start to turn out better as days pass. I guess now can see I'm kinda love de high ^^ I'm more into you even after th bad outcome! Hoping everyday would be a better day

~*T,C&LWNR**~

07:22PM ; 30 August 11

Monday, August 29, 2011

Guys guys guys! Just totally a load of nonsense! Fck yourself nbcb. I ain't a choice for you to pick as and when you like! Want jiu ask, don't want jiu look for the other one! Bloody pbk! Your so gonna get it. Karma surely will strike you back you you bo lp! Be zha borh sua la! Cklps. Talk cock and nonsense best! You'll be the last one I ever fall for so stupidly. I've fcking learnt my lesson for good now. I definitely will change and not be so soft hearted like an idiot anymore! I ain't your barbie doll! Just fck away?! PLEASE!? The further the better! Heartbreaker, you better get what you deserve! Just my damn suey luck to fall for you! I'm so damn gonna wake up from guys being all the same type! I thought you were different, I thought you ain't like other guys, other jerks which only talk! You changed, you so damn changed within not even a year! Disappointed ttf! Why did you become like this?! Probably everything all started cos of me! Yea, I shouldn't even have entered your life! Being so thick skinned I went to confess to you and the outcome turned out like some fcked- up crap! Just wtf is wrong?! Do I really this?!! Why did you turn to be like this!? Why ain't you th innocent one I used to know!? Where have the he gone to?! F IT! I'm not gonna be like this anymore! Its so stupid!

Probably, I just deserve it...


~**T,C&LWNR**

05:00PM ; 29 August 11

Sunday, August 28, 2011

I'm so in trouble. I confessed to the person! Now still waiting for the person's reply... Told someone I shag, yet she say she can't be my pair of listening ears... I said nvm, but actually I mind! I totally mind! I'm so shag, afraid and all! Yet I can only turn to myself! Sigh!! Guess its gonna be a long night... I only told th person cos of what a friend said.. Don't wait till its too late... I guess it already is anyway...

03:05

Its all along my fault. I shouldn't be here brooding bout all these already.. Fcking crying again over you. I shouldn't have even opened my big mouth. So gbl for what?! He's gonna be attached.. I guess I should be happy for him... Fearing I might lose you as a friend, I decided to keep waiting on and on.. Its already too late.....

03:15

I ought to stop being so naive. Time to wake up... Since I've already told you the truths, I guess its time to let go.. No point holding on. Not too late, cos I'm already way past too late..

03:20

Sigh... Freaking shag. Cried like siao... Tears kept rolling down.. Sigh.. I wonder what will happen tmrw... I guess I won't be able to even talk to him as per normal... Sigh... Its all my gbl fault.. Gonna play some dumb games to not think so much and off to bed..


~*T,C&LWNR**~

04:00AM ; 29 August 11

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Guess I'm staying up too late often, always get headache... Shag again, thanks to watching more of hptx. Hope that'll be the last time I cry over you, bloody jerk. Cong lai bu xi huan ji hen, jiu shi he ruo. Hais. Have to sleep before 03:31, before I think of alot of things again. Once the clock hit that time I'll sure end up getting pissed and all again, sure don't need sleep le. Left less than 10mins more to go... 020910, 03;31 <\3 I shouldn't be thinking of you and the past anymore. Heart matters, wo zui xun. I hate it. Its so confusing. Shouldn't even think so I won't get hurt.. Hmmm, hao ba, off to sleep now before it hits that stupid time and I can't sleep then jialat. Will continuing blogging tmrw or in the next few days... Z.Z

Xin sui le <\3

~*T,C&LWNR**~

03:28AM ; 28 August 11
Sigh. I a fcking bad mood now. Every little thing are getting on my nerves. Wtf. Idk whats wrong at all. I wonder what has gotten into me. So damn shag. What on earth's even happening? Don't feel like bothering bout anyone's texts or calls. I feel really tired. Who'll willingly stay and promise not to leave FOR GOOD? No one. No one can make such a promise. Guys, all the same. Patterns many many. Play finish liao find new one, or else is go jio another one. Tiong xim? Tiong lj. Full of craps and lies. Friends? Yea I've plenty of them. But when trouble's here, who will even bother to stay and listen? NO ONE. NO ONE WILL WILLINGLY CARE AND EVEN PUSH THINGS ASIDE TO EVEN LISTEN ME OUT. Hoping some day I just disappear. I'm sick of this shits. CKLPS. Only phrase I can think of describing. No one is reliable or trustable. All I have is myself. I'm only a toy and a replacement to people. Nothing more possible. I smile I laugh obviously cos I don't wanna seem shag or make those around me worried. Hais. Just wtf's wrong?! I hate being in my position. Whatever I do for people around me doesn't seem to be good enough. Though money might not be able to make people happy, for me it is. How I make friends stay for a longer period of time? Spend money on them, make them happier that way. A great example on it, a guy. He's the one I used to love the most I ever did to anyone, the one which meant the most to me. Just to help clear his debts, I forked out all I could till I suffered gastric for a very long time. Went around borrowing money like a dog till people see me also scared. Did all sorts of things just to save him his stupid life. Went out with him alone once the whole day, spent more than $70 just for him to not get bored, just for him to enjoy all he could. After everything is over, after all his debts, did he even rmb me as a friend? NO. He treats me like dirt until today. He must be still thinking what a great source of money I was.. So I guess if I was broke and stuffs, I'd not have friends. This is also the reason why I told a group of friends that all I needed was money, not friends. Yet another time I needa go through these nonsense. I wonder when will this ever end. FML! I don't deserve such a torture. I don't deserve any of these. I wanna disappear, I wanna be gone and not be here living like this so helplessly. This feeling, its really too much of loneliness. Though now I've still afew people to listen me out, some things are just too personal to be said to them. They won't understand, unless they experience it themselves. Hais. Thats why I'm trying to treasure everything I've got, doing and trying to hold people back from leaving. Nothing's even stopping.. Fated I guess. My best buddies are still twitter and blogging, the only things which I can turn to and be at when I'm shag and when I wanna be alone.. Thats all for now... Time for me to clean up those tears and start doing my things...

~*T,C&LWNR**~

10:32PM ; 27 August 11

Friday, August 26, 2011

Damn shag out of a sudden.. Was freaking tired and now I'm wide awake. Wtf is wrong? Hais... Things are really getting out of control.. Why are people starting to leave again? Why? What have I done wrong this time again? Misunderstand him, treated her like crap? WHAT? I'm tired liao la. If all intended to leave, why in the first place must all of you show up in my life? F! Really enough liao know? Wo hen lei. I don't wish things to keep repeating themselves so I just let things be... Now damn shag, don't know what and why uh. Something seem to have just pissed me, but I don't know what.... Don't think wanna text anyone for the next few days till my mood gets better.... Hais. What should I do now? Drink till really toh tonight? Before 2 cans I guess I'll already be knocked out. I'm super sleepy... Hais.... I wish I wake up tmrw seeing things getting better... I really don't want you people to leave... FML!

~*T,C&LWNR**~

11:26PM ; 26 August 11

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Cos of a bloody jerk, I cried otw home. I find myself damn ridiculous. I really learnt my lesson. JERKS MANY MANY. Not even one can ever prove to me that anything last. All should just fck out away from me. -.- Why all of you have to come ruin my life so badly? Wtf seriously. I think I'll stick to blogging more things since some people are following me on twitter. Tsk. Hate it when they misunderstand or think its them when its not. So crappppp. And today, got back prelim results, I guess, I'm just getting what I've worked for. Nothing really great. Hmm, hope its a so so result to you. A ccb guy keep suan wo. Wtf. Win me one paper act sibei _|_ really wanted to go over punch your stupid face. -.- You pbk. Hope to continue doing better. Everyday do abit revision, better than nothing. N levels less than a month away le. Gotta limit myself in everything I do. Wanna score good and not let the person down. I guess this person is the person I should most thank for whatever that I have today. Without this person, everything cui. I don't think I'll even be how I am today. Well, keeping everything to myself here and at another place is the most I can do. Don't say jiu no problem. Say liao later problems appear again. Sigh. So, I've got a conclusion. I won't be believing in long term r/s or even bgr now. ESP NOW. All talk cock. Cklps people. Just die man seriously.. <\3

And oh ya. Its 1 month 1 day away from my birthday. T_T LOL.
K bye.

~*T,C&LWNR**~

10:32PM ; 18 August 11

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Fcking sick of it. Come back jiu kpkb. Smlj. Go out after last paper also have wrong. Now N level meh? Nbcb. Want tell you bout today's exam, you jiu kp say don't want listen. Wtf? I have even say anything? Don't go jiu don't go la. I happy I jiu do what. I also not your dog, why should I do as told only? I'm seriously sick of it. You not tired I tired already. THIS IS TOTALLY NOT THE BEST PLACE TO BE AT. Fck all of you. Its not even fair. Want go out machiam one dog nia. Wanna tell you bout papers, you give me a fucked up reply. You know my feelings not? You know its so disappointing and hurting? Do you all only thinking that GOING OUT is the only thing I know? Talk to you all also have problem. Enough le. Want me study, I PIAN PIAN DON'T WANT TO. I'm not your bloody dog. Its my life. Kp some more, I'll ruin it more. I suffer? Good then. Hope I die soon and disappear from all your lives. You all want it like this, so BE IT! I Won't give a fck anymore. Like this you all then happy ma. Forget it man seriously. I'm tired of trying to be like this as if I'm some kinda dog. JUST BLOODY FCK OFF IF YOUR NOT HAPPY. _|_

FML TTM.

~*T,C&LWNR**~

07:38PM ; 16 August 11

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Suddenly I'm having this kinda sour feeling. I know its someth to do with heart matters, but just what is it? Hais. Why won't it go away? I feel like crying too. Wtf is wrong with me? Now I'm so having mixed feelings. F it man.. All these memories are killing me. Just getting to see you and having those feelings are killing me. You still keep reappearing at the times I don't want to see you. Go away please? I've no more space in my heart. I don't want you back. It really hurts know? Screaming at you the reasons why I don't needa help you, it really hurts. Sigh. There's nothing else I can do.. Feel like drinking now... F everything ....

~*T,C&LWNR**~

0!:55AM ; 14 August 11

Monday, August 8, 2011

I realise, I'm fcking pathetic. Fs, rs. I SHI BAI DAO DI! What have I ever gotten? Nothing! Just wtf is wrong! Sometime I really just feel like disappearing from earth and never return! Fuck everything like seriously! I hate it! Probably I should fck my existence from ppl's lives! When will I ever yu dao a someone which will even stay and remain as my listening ears? Wei shen me wo zhe me shi bai? All alone now, feeling so shag. This isn't the time this should ever happen... When will anyone even understand these feelings? Its fcking miserable. FML. How many times do I have to break down? I hate my existence. Just what are promises? CKLPS! All full of nonsense! I should start waking up from all my dreams! Friends? They're nothing but playtime mates. Other than that, what or who do I have to turn to? Sigh.. Tonight's gonna be a very long night... God bless myself to not do anything dumber than crying... <\3

~*T,C&LWNR**~

12:31AM ; 9 August 11

Sunday, August 7, 2011

I'm a coward, so I choose to avoid everything when they come! Hais! I JUST WANNA CALM DOWN FIRST! Your damn texts are so hurting you know?! I doubt you even realise! I'm too selfish, but what does it make you become after saying me till like that! I doubt you'll even bother! I really give up le! I think I diam diam sua! Since want it like this, I grant it to you! I'm gonna leave you alone from now! You happy jiu hao. Guess its cos of what I post here. I know what to do already.. Best is I disappear too. Hope so. That way, I won't be in any more problems... All the best to you ba.


I'll do what I think I should.
~*T,C&LWNR**~

10:36PM ; 7 August 11


Now we're talking again. Not really friends, yet not really enemies. Just what are we? :( Hais. I can't expect much. Now I'll just go along with you. Thanks to my stupid wrong doings, I feel too guilty to say anything. I'll really have to change things about myself now. Gotta learn to make and accept changes. Its coming 4 years already. Time to really change now. I should do whatever that's right ~ Don't feel like blogging le. TTT (TIME TO TWEET) . K bye.

~*T,C&LWNR**~

07:04PM ; 6 August 11

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Wake up! Just wth is wrong with you? Can't you see the situation? Don't fall back out of sympathy! Wtf is wrong? Uhhh! Wth is wrong with me? Hate this feeling man. I think I'm like kinda having mixed feelings.. So damn f-up feelings:( Can't I just stop thinking? Idk whats wrong.. If I fall back, I'll feel as if I've done him wrong and I'll be sucha let down to myself! But I can't help it at all..Wapiang, seriously, I should stop being like this le! I hate it ttm! URRGHHH! Somehow, the feelings got back I think? Now how to sleep like this! Hais! So ke bei la. Sigh. What should I do? Act as if I don't care when I do? Its too difficult... Sigh sigh sigh!! No one will understand ): I hate this feelings <\3 I hope I'll understand what my heart's trying to tell me. Hais! GOING KI TAO HONG LIAO:( Want sleep also sure can't sleep. Think I'm gonna pour things out on twitter.. Hope I won't say the wrong thing and he won't see the wrong things..

~*T,C&LWNR**~

04:00 ; 6 August 11
Just within one night, I had so many thoughts. I'm a person which like to express myself with words so I'd ofcourse have alot to blog out. I realised so many things. Wo cuo guai le ni. You weren't even as bad as I thought. Maybe you knowing more than you know now will cause you to really hate me more, but I really found out your someone I need. You ain't anything like I thought you were. Hais. Luckily I didn't say or do anything rashly back then. I'm really starting to dislike who I am. I have to do things guang ming zhen da and stop being the way I are now. Nobody's perfect, but I ain't trying hard enough. I've had enough of being said so much. I have to change. Time to reflect more first. Its almost been 4years. We've also been good friends since we knew each other. Slowly, we got closer and closer. End up being bffs. I admit I did you wrong. But what can I do now when its already too too late? All I can do is to cherish the ones I have left. I musn't acting the way I kept being for the past year and so. Or things will worsen. This time I'm determined. So I must. Though I did you wrong, through all those little texts, messages from you, I know deep down your heart you still care. But you try not to already. I don't deserve anything from you, but you still are giving me those care and concern. Hais. Sometimes I really think I zuo ren tai shi bai le. Given a choice, I'd never let you go when we even had that quarrel. Till today, its been the 1 month and 4th day we weren't close already. I also don't know what I'm thinking sometimes. I think too much ba. I guess, your importance to me was way more than I thought it was. Too bad, its really too late. Now I'm waiting for your text or fb notification. I doubt you'll respond. I don't think you will. I've been staring at my phone the whole day. Not even a single text after I called you. I really want to text you, but yet the guiltiness will just come back to me and I dare not text you. I hate this feeling. Hais. I guess its cos I'm afraid I'll get a response which I don't wish to see ba. I hope we'll get back to how we were, but yet, I fear to. I guess I'll need to start learning how to manage my time. But firstly, I've gotta see whats gonna happen next. Hais, dou shi wo cuang chu lai de huo. Maybe I'll give you a text just before I go to sleep... ): Hais!!

To another you, sometimes seeing your text makes me frustrated, not cos its something I don't wish to see. Its cos you make me confused. So many things are on my mind. How is it possible to reply you with so many things i'm thinking? Its coming a month le. But what can I do? Though I want you around, your companion, whatever I do, I care, I also can't let you know. Well I've got my reasons. All I have to say is I'm sorry. A day without your text really makes me feel weird. Idk if its cos of the things happening or what, but just today without your text makes me feel rather amiss of something. I guess I'll just let you be until at least I know what to do next. Bao qian <\3

K, I needa go study!! Cannot get bothered so much le! Can't think so much! Best is go study, study dao bth then sleep, so I won't keep thinking so much! Hais!! Hope I'll overcome everything soon and start changing into a better person before something goes wrong and blablabla happens! I wanna get to study now );<


~*T,C&LWNR**~

12:36AM ; 7 August 11

Friday, August 5, 2011

Its been a long time since I updated this blog. So called long ba. Wanna start updating more stuffs. I decided to leave all of them le. But what about her? Hais I also don't even know. I feel so bad. Its been 20 days. So what f I care but act as if I don't. I don't know what I should do so I didn't reply. Hais. I'm afraid to say the wrong thing. All of them at the other side seem like they are having a good time. Since I'm gone, I guess they are having the time of their lives. Well, another someone even overtaken my position between afew of them. See liao also sian. Damn sad. I mustn't give up at a point like this. Without them, I have to go on still. No point crying over spilled milk. I can't expect anything out of them anymore. I did one wrong, but its good as I did all of them wrong. I won't wanna plead her for forgiveness. I won't not cos I don't want to. Its cos I don't want to still continue sucha life like the one I used to have. Yes, fun is fun, happy is happy. But when it was time, all left without even saying. Since I know how much my presence mean to them, I might as well take my leave without any notice, before people say I AA again. Life now's still not bad. At least I still have him and her plus afew more others to rely on. Though they ain't strong enough to let me rely all the way, its good enough for the time being. So lucky to have this current batch of friends, though its impossible to be as close as the one I used to have. Past is the past, say so much also won't have any use at all. Daily, I think so much of the past. Of the times I used to have all of you around. The times we spent talking otp, the times we hangout, do things we ain't suppose to, esp me. Those times, hais. They were the best memories I didn't know even friends could give. Seeing all of you having fun and all are the things I just hope to see. Hope all of you will continue being as one without me. I know, my presence doesn't mean that much, or maybe I'm thinking too much. Well that doesn't matter already. I never expected days like this would ever come. To you, I'm sorry I let you down. Sorry for not being able to be there for you. Till today, I still don't know how to face you though I don't know what exactly I've done wrong. I hope you'll always remember those times we had.. To another you, sorry, I'm currently having too many thoughts and I don't know what to do. We'll see as time pass ba. Lastly to you, you disappointed me the most number of times. I've not given up on you, but I have to go. My stay will just be a nuisance to you. I know. So I'll go for good. From that day since I realise things have been so bad, I decided to step out of all of your lives. Sorry, but thats the only route I can take. I hope things will continue going on smoothly for all of you. Thanks for the memories <\3

As of now, prelims and so still going on~ Current life, still not bad. But just very busy. N's getting nearer and nearer, gotta stop thinking too much and strive forward. Hope things get better and you* won't leave when I'm in need of help or someone. :) , :/ Will update again if I'm free and not lazy~

GOTTA BUCKUP AND LEAVE THE PAST BEHIND <\3

~*T,C&LWNR**~

12:04AM ; 6 August 11