I saw this coming.. I know you would say its because I see both of you close then I'll be like this. But its not. Really is not. Since the day I kept trying to make it up to you till now, I know. I know i've lose that that position to you. I really don't know how I should say. You would definitely say its cos you two close thats why I'm like this. But it isn't. Its because its also been awhile. You know how you've been to me? I can see you've really changed. I'm happy that you're happy, but just don't understand bout alot of things. When you said to me, you don't know why when without him around and being with me it feels weird, while you can go out with him, N, her and even other people, I really feel so so out of place. At then then I really knew things have changed. Thats why I texted you such stuff. Its really hurting when you told me being alone with me feels weird. I guess, I can no longer get back th position I had to you no matter how hard I try. Well, no matter what, your actions and the way you'v e been treating me since that day I wanna make up things, everything really disappointed me.. Don't get angry when you read this, cos this are what I'm really feeling. I hope you can try to understand.. When you got time, you think bout what I've said. I really really tried to be better the past me, but its like of no use. Idk what and how should I put it be everything you do seem to be hurting me more... Sigh. But as long I know you're happy, its fine with me. So sorry for making you feel sandwiched even though thats not what I really meant. Just sorry..

~*T,C&LWNR**~

12:55PM ; 29 October 11

Its so heartbreaking seeing the way you react to the things I've been trying to do... I really just wanna make it up to you, but there's no way I can already... Once I start work next week, I jiu won't go out already. If can jiu work full time from monday to sunday. Not wanting to think of anymore of your things.. I've been trying and trying.. I know I'm still failing and I'm still trying... Doing all sorts of things to stop thinking but I just can't.. Probably, I've gotten the answer I feared to receive... Well, enough is enough. Maybe I should stop my nonsense. No matter how I try you won't be the same you anymore... You totally treat me like a stranger. You no longer need me anymore.. You won't be the one to be there anymore. You don't bother at all.. I thought you really cared but you didn't... In the past it would be you to ask me to wipe away my tears and xiang qian zou.. But not anymore... I really regretted everything I did... Once that day passes, I'll not be keeping in touch with you anymore.. I'll just permanently go away and never come back. Things really have changed.. Well, just for you to be happy, I will go as far as possible. I won't disturb you and your life anymore...

~*T,C&LWNR**~

01:26AM ; 29 October 11

Sigh. Sometimes I don't know which blog to blog at. Cos I realised I'm always referring to the same you* <\3 Just hope things will get better for you. I shouldn't keep pestering you, I guess. Other than that, Idk what else am I to say. Just couldn't believe I broke down into tears while speaking bout you to him. He's my only pair of listening ears now. Sigh. Your importance just keeps getting more and more important. What am I to do? Sigh. Guess its more fang bian to blog there instead... So thats all.

~*T,C&LWNR**~

02:55AM ; 28 October 11

Things are getting well, I guess? 2 days back went Haw par Villa with them. Wondered why you wanted to go there after having all those things, and then I knew. Theres so much of things I have to say to you. Blogging it out won't help. Was quite fun with them though. That day made me thought and realised bout alot of things. Everything with him are doing fine. Though we don't always meetup but still doing quite well. More than half of my time outside is always spent with her. With him, nah. Maybe not really a need. Out of a sudden from just now had a really strong sense of loneliness. ): Everyday seem to be wondering about outside, whether or not theres anything to do. And oh yeah, regarding him... Sigh. He really makes me think so much. When I was gonna give you up on all those things, what you did and said in that hour really made me want to not give up. I know theres still hope for you but, how am I to help you if you don't wanna help yourself? Hais. Silly boy doing silly things for unworthy people! Gonna try figure things out afterwards when I head for th beach :( And hope to see YOU soon, or else I'm gonna get worried till I go bonkers! ;(

04:02PM ; 24th October 11

Hardly blog here as I blog there. Hais.. Those things keep bugging me. And since there's that blog, I should say things out there. But then again, because you* know that blog already jiu can't. Haiyo. Some things are really better left unsaid. Just hoping for things to get better. And regarding us, its starting to get sian. When we text too much, very sian de. I get loss of words, Idk what to reply or even text you. If I tell you we shouldn't text much for sure you anyhow think then everything will go haywire again. Hais. What to do... I just wish I really had someone as a listening ear so I won't need to constantly keep blogging that much to a non- living thing.. All because I so gbl in th past go make till your* gone. Or else sure things would be doing very good by now. Life, its such a torture. Too many things, who to turn to? Twitter.. blogger... I wanna speak to someone who's got response and all... Sigh. K ba, enough for now <\3

06:40PM ; 21 October 11

~*T,c&LWNR**~

Its our first month today! Hope everything will be okay! :) Still thinking if should go out with him tmrw not. Another him. Sian! Still need see if can go out! Hmmm.. Maybe, maybe not. Or else I go find someone else? Haiyo. All of them all seem to be guys! If TA know liao not sian! Tsk. Still thinking! And as for th other girl, why do you always have to use people or points which you know I'll get pekcek to show it off to me just cos its not th same for us? Ahhh. You know what, you should just bloody hell f far awayyyy. _|_ And now is shuhui's birthday! I'm th first to wish! Hahaha. And and, SHE'S ATTACHED! Which is th same day as our anni! Hope both of our couples will last long long!! <3 Hehe! (: K off to sleep liao! Kinda hungry too hahaha ^^ K whatever byeeeee ~ :D

03:13AM ; 19 October 11

~*T,C&LWNR**~

I feel guilty I feel bad.. Cos I'm the cause of things, everything. Not burden then what is it? Crap. I wish I would just cough to death of someth. I must quickly find a job and work every single day... Enough le, really gou le.. I"m very very tired.. Everything started when there's me... I don't say its because you would worry, they might too... But I really very tired already.. I really feel very helpless and such a burden.. Its raining heavily.. Can this rain be able to wash away all th problems? I hate things being this way.. I don't understand a single thing... Wanna find someone to speak to also can't think of who to find.. Her? She's so busy with her things and friends... She? Has her own problems.... Sigh.. All th rest also can't le...

Sometimes so I'll think without me things will get better and stuff.. But thinking of how you'll react once more, I fear it much... I'm so so sorry...

12:38AM ; 09 October 11

Sigh? That isn't a happy thing anymore.. Other people blah you still hai hao. I take it that its a good thing. But now I've a super long feeling that ------------#$%^&*() :( Sigh. She's so close to me. Yet her feelings, she obviously just hid it up.. Nicely done, so I act along and just smile and laugh as per normal with you so you won't feel bad. You know I hate people keeping such things behind my back, but you still want to. Things sure won't have a happy ending if you tell me I know. But isn't it better than letting things be like this? You should know I treat you so close, don't keep much of things from you yet you don't wanna tell me... Sigh. Why why why? I hope things will still go on smoothly for th 3 of us.. :( You disappoint me alot..

AND YEAH, N LEVELS ARE OVER. TIME TO JOB HUNT QUICKLY...

~*T,C&LWNR**~

11:20PM ;08 October 11

EBS paper down as well! :D Yayyyyy! 3 more papers then HOSEH UH! :) Must jiayou! Stupid ebs come out so many questions I'm not that good at. ): Well I already tried my best. The only thing I can do is study for th rest of th papers! Jiayou to myself! :) Everything else' doing great! The answers I want, I've got them like finally ♡ Gonna go shower and start studying liao ^^ K tataaaa ~

~*T,C&LWNR**~

08:22PM ; 03 October 11

Things are going well on the outside but getting abit bad on th inside.. I wish things would stay. I wish the answer would be someth I wanna hear. I fear to get th return answer. I'm afraid things will not turn out the way I want them to be... Sigh.

Next week jiu shi the week which everything will end AT LAST. I must jiayou and not let YOU down! If I don't get the expecting results I'll definitely be shag cos I've disappointed you again. Well I'll just jiayou all th way! Not gonna give up at such a timing! Gonna study now! Tata! <3

~*T,C&LWNR**~

10:07PM ; 02 October 11