So.... This is th most "appropriate" picture I took when I spammed during work today. HAHAHA.

And yeah, this is my first picture posted in this blog.

Still deciding whether to open this blog as an open blog to all! Maybe, but if so, I need to delete freaking many posts as some got th names and all. Worst come to WORST, jiu need delete ONE BY ONE! ;( Uhhhh. Now abit nua. Guess will be turning in quite early today. Not really feeling well so yeahhhhhhh T______________T

Bye!

~*T,C&LWNR**~

10:04PM ; 1st November 11

At work now! Kinda fun. Haha. New experiences. I still can online and use the comp when I've got nothing to do! Haha so shiok and slack! Think I should bring more food here for this whole month so I won't so bored! Need bring usb cable charge phone so can listen music cos I HAVE NO IDEA where is th stupis place to insert my earpiece even after looking high and low to plugin! Damnnnnn! Haha. And though I've the pass to access all th doors around the office I still damn scared! Tried using the pass 4 times today, only one time can after th staff help! Wah sian la! Aiyoooo! Haha and I like this one woman working here. She so friendly keep coming pass my table talk to me bout boliao things and make me laugh. HAHAHA. She ask bout twitter facebook all also! So cute la she! ^^ All he other people still hai hao only :/ Have one woman, I'm assigned to her. So everything need help her. So shiok la! She give the tasks quite simple. But she say the day after tmrw have event in SBF! Then need help out. ): Guess would be a tiring day but I'm looking forward for th experienceeeeeeee! HEHEEEE :D And yeah, had lunch with 3 other colleagues. They keep saying I so young still work! Lol! 16 liao! Think the youngest around the department I'm working in is like hitting 30 liao! K time to get off blog cos going end work le! ^^ Need pack up and offline soon (: Blog when I'm free tmrw or what ba!

~*T,C&LWNR**~

05:45PM ; 1st November 11

I saw this coming.. I know you would say its because I see both of you close then I'll be like this. But its not. Really is not. Since the day I kept trying to make it up to you till now, I know. I know i've lose that that position to you. I really don't know how I should say. You would definitely say its cos you two close thats why I'm like this. But it isn't. Its because its also been awhile. You know how you've been to me? I can see you've really changed. I'm happy that you're happy, but just don't understand bout alot of things. When you said to me, you don't know why when without him around and being with me it feels weird, while you can go out with him, N, her and even other people, I really feel so so out of place. At then then I really knew things have changed. Thats why I texted you such stuff. Its really hurting when you told me being alone with me feels weird. I guess, I can no longer get back th position I had to you no matter how hard I try. Well, no matter what, your actions and the way you'v e been treating me since that day I wanna make up things, everything really disappointed me.. Don't get angry when you read this, cos this are what I'm really feeling. I hope you can try to understand.. When you got time, you think bout what I've said. I really really tried to be better the past me, but its like of no use. Idk what and how should I put it be everything you do seem to be hurting me more... Sigh. But as long I know you're happy, its fine with me. So sorry for making you feel sandwiched even though thats not what I really meant. Just sorry..

~*T,C&LWNR**~

12:55PM ; 29 October 11

Its so heartbreaking seeing the way you react to the things I've been trying to do... I really just wanna make it up to you, but there's no way I can already... Once I start work next week, I jiu won't go out already. If can jiu work full time from monday to sunday. Not wanting to think of anymore of your things.. I've been trying and trying.. I know I'm still failing and I'm still trying... Doing all sorts of things to stop thinking but I just can't.. Probably, I've gotten the answer I feared to receive... Well, enough is enough. Maybe I should stop my nonsense. No matter how I try you won't be the same you anymore... You totally treat me like a stranger. You no longer need me anymore.. You won't be the one to be there anymore. You don't bother at all.. I thought you really cared but you didn't... In the past it would be you to ask me to wipe away my tears and xiang qian zou.. But not anymore... I really regretted everything I did... Once that day passes, I'll not be keeping in touch with you anymore.. I'll just permanently go away and never come back. Things really have changed.. Well, just for you to be happy, I will go as far as possible. I won't disturb you and your life anymore...

~*T,C&LWNR**~

01:26AM ; 29 October 11

Sigh. Sometimes I don't know which blog to blog at. Cos I realised I'm always referring to the same you* <\3 Just hope things will get better for you. I shouldn't keep pestering you, I guess. Other than that, Idk what else am I to say. Just couldn't believe I broke down into tears while speaking bout you to him. He's my only pair of listening ears now. Sigh. Your importance just keeps getting more and more important. What am I to do? Sigh. Guess its more fang bian to blog there instead... So thats all.

~*T,C&LWNR**~

02:55AM ; 28 October 11

Things are getting well, I guess? 2 days back went Haw par Villa with them. Wondered why you wanted to go there after having all those things, and then I knew. Theres so much of things I have to say to you. Blogging it out won't help. Was quite fun with them though. That day made me thought and realised bout alot of things. Everything with him are doing fine. Though we don't always meetup but still doing quite well. More than half of my time outside is always spent with her. With him, nah. Maybe not really a need. Out of a sudden from just now had a really strong sense of loneliness. ): Everyday seem to be wondering about outside, whether or not theres anything to do. And oh yeah, regarding him... Sigh. He really makes me think so much. When I was gonna give you up on all those things, what you did and said in that hour really made me want to not give up. I know theres still hope for you but, how am I to help you if you don't wanna help yourself? Hais. Silly boy doing silly things for unworthy people! Gonna try figure things out afterwards when I head for th beach :( And hope to see YOU soon, or else I'm gonna get worried till I go bonkers! ;(

04:02PM ; 24th October 11

Hardly blog here as I blog there. Hais.. Those things keep bugging me. And since there's that blog, I should say things out there. But then again, because you* know that blog already jiu can't. Haiyo. Some things are really better left unsaid. Just hoping for things to get better. And regarding us, its starting to get sian. When we text too much, very sian de. I get loss of words, Idk what to reply or even text you. If I tell you we shouldn't text much for sure you anyhow think then everything will go haywire again. Hais. What to do... I just wish I really had someone as a listening ear so I won't need to constantly keep blogging that much to a non- living thing.. All because I so gbl in th past go make till your* gone. Or else sure things would be doing very good by now. Life, its such a torture. Too many things, who to turn to? Twitter.. blogger... I wanna speak to someone who's got response and all... Sigh. K ba, enough for now <\3

06:40PM ; 21 October 11

~*T,c&LWNR**~

Its our first month today! Hope everything will be okay! :) Still thinking if should go out with him tmrw not. Another him. Sian! Still need see if can go out! Hmmm.. Maybe, maybe not. Or else I go find someone else? Haiyo. All of them all seem to be guys! If TA know liao not sian! Tsk. Still thinking! And as for th other girl, why do you always have to use people or points which you know I'll get pekcek to show it off to me just cos its not th same for us? Ahhh. You know what, you should just bloody hell f far awayyyy. _|_ And now is shuhui's birthday! I'm th first to wish! Hahaha. And and, SHE'S ATTACHED! Which is th same day as our anni! Hope both of our couples will last long long!! <3 Hehe! (: K off to sleep liao! Kinda hungry too hahaha ^^ K whatever byeeeee ~ :D

03:13AM ; 19 October 11

~*T,C&LWNR**~

I feel guilty I feel bad.. Cos I'm the cause of things, everything. Not burden then what is it? Crap. I wish I would just cough to death of someth. I must quickly find a job and work every single day... Enough le, really gou le.. I"m very very tired.. Everything started when there's me... I don't say its because you would worry, they might too... But I really very tired already.. I really feel very helpless and such a burden.. Its raining heavily.. Can this rain be able to wash away all th problems? I hate things being this way.. I don't understand a single thing... Wanna find someone to speak to also can't think of who to find.. Her? She's so busy with her things and friends... She? Has her own problems.... Sigh.. All th rest also can't le...

Sometimes so I'll think without me things will get better and stuff.. But thinking of how you'll react once more, I fear it much... I'm so so sorry...

12:38AM ; 09 October 11

Sigh? That isn't a happy thing anymore.. Other people blah you still hai hao. I take it that its a good thing. But now I've a super long feeling that ------------#$%^&*() :( Sigh. She's so close to me. Yet her feelings, she obviously just hid it up.. Nicely done, so I act along and just smile and laugh as per normal with you so you won't feel bad. You know I hate people keeping such things behind my back, but you still want to. Things sure won't have a happy ending if you tell me I know. But isn't it better than letting things be like this? You should know I treat you so close, don't keep much of things from you yet you don't wanna tell me... Sigh. Why why why? I hope things will still go on smoothly for th 3 of us.. :( You disappoint me alot..

AND YEAH, N LEVELS ARE OVER. TIME TO JOB HUNT QUICKLY...

~*T,C&LWNR**~

11:20PM ;08 October 11

EBS paper down as well! :D Yayyyyy! 3 more papers then HOSEH UH! :) Must jiayou! Stupid ebs come out so many questions I'm not that good at. ): Well I already tried my best. The only thing I can do is study for th rest of th papers! Jiayou to myself! :) Everything else' doing great! The answers I want, I've got them like finally ♡ Gonna go shower and start studying liao ^^ K tataaaa ~

~*T,C&LWNR**~

08:22PM ; 03 October 11

Things are going well on the outside but getting abit bad on th inside.. I wish things would stay. I wish the answer would be someth I wanna hear. I fear to get th return answer. I'm afraid things will not turn out the way I want them to be... Sigh.

Next week jiu shi the week which everything will end AT LAST. I must jiayou and not let YOU down! If I don't get the expecting results I'll definitely be shag cos I've disappointed you again. Well I'll just jiayou all th way! Not gonna give up at such a timing! Gonna study now! Tata! <3

~*T,C&LWNR**~

10:07PM ; 02 October 11

Today was a good day! So happy she never come school so won't have to see her face and remember what she did. -.- Oh well okay whatever! Today was super in class. Like for th first time sooo hungry keep complaining. Potai all also keep saying so hungry today! (So means I'm normal for once) ^^ Finally after sch took mrt go eat Texas chickennn! :D K but sadly it taste not that nice. Have so many coupons also no use lor. Waste my 6 bucks!! DAMN THEM! :( After that jiu chiong down to his place there give mmr his ji fan! Around about 5 and he haven't even eat! Then keep refusing eat! Sooooo stubborn. That 1 hr plus was so enjoyable! He's so cute! :D Happy much:) I realise he's one of those people who would even bother when I get fed up, angry and upset. He's so sweet! Well, I just hope he'll stay this way to me all th way. After that jiu went home ^^And lately she and I have been becoming closer and closer while th other gets jealous. Wtf. Sometimes I really wonder why groups of people can't just be friends to all and stop this stupid jealousy. So irritating. But well I'm happy we're so close and she keeps my secrets to herself unlike HER -.- Tmrw going study till evening with her and him! Can't wait for tmrw to come:) Wheee ~ If things goes well, Friday we'll go study tgthr also! So thats all for today! :D Gonna do my revision now ^^ Byebye!

♥ ♥ ♥

~*T,C&LWNR**~

08:42PM ; 28 September 11

Today's his birthday. Sadly I can't get to celebrate or even spend time with him _|_ Knn. If I know that bloody shop would be closed I definitely would at least spend abit of time with him! F la! Buy th present also can't give today. He tonight ton, so I jiu give another day ba. Sad but its better for him to enjoy than spend th time coming over to take th present. And also anyway the freaking box I didn't get to go exchange! Went there but th stupid shop WAS CLOSED! Bloody hell! For th first time see th shop close! So unlucky la seriously! _|_ _|_ !! Hope will be able to give him by tmrw night or at least latest by wed! Or else I sure @#^&^*%$#^ liao! Hope he enjoys his night! And just now Enting and I wanted to go exchange th freaking box cos she follow me. After eating KFC le we go simei and th stupid shop close! We jiu go TM try to catch those hello kitty soft toy keychain all! I spent bout $30 and only caught 2! See she so sad and sian never catch jiu give her. ^^ Haha. So its like spending $15 for each stupid thing! Haha at least I caught and made someone smile! :) ^^ Happyhappy! Kk! Time to get started studying cos I'm dozing off any time! Next week N levels continuing and finishing for us! :D So ta ta! Blog again soon I hope! ^^

~*T,C&LWNR**~

07:37PM ; 26 September 11

Birthday over. Disappointed yet surprised. So many truths were out :) I'll start blogging bout my birthday ^^ On my birthday was late for school cos was waiting for mehmeh for th second time! Went to class, everything went on smoothly. But cos th si da hei make us stay back for half an hour read cos we were laughing when teacher $%^&*({ people. -.- K then everything when on well (: After sch at 3.30 we went KFC and had our buddy meals <3 ^^Cos I had those coupons (I know very typical but who cares! :D ) All 8 of us finally went out tgthr after so long. All snatch th coupons like crazy! Eat le they gave me my present out of a sudden! Thanks to them I :D again! After that jiu chiong go play pool. Play le, then I intended to go meet mmr. After playing for 1 half hour then go. No celebration totally nothing. Sadden but kept quiet. 5 of them went night study. 2 others went home. I went to that place again. Th carpark rooftop. Felt as if I was followed but didn't bothered much. By the time I reach upstairs it was getting dark. A year ago we went there to celebrate even though nothing was planned. Though it was a small celebration, I recall those times as if they were just yesterday. I took the candle I kept from my hello kitty cake from her. Lit it, closed my eyes and sang a song for myself sitting there where we celebrated my birthday. All those flashbacks, memories and everything appeared in mind as if it was really happening before my eyes.. Started to cry. Opened my eyes, made my wishes and stood around thinking of things. Shag but couldn't do much. Left th place and went meet mmr at Central. Surprisingly he cheered me up! Took a stroll to his place. After that he jiu take my present give me ^^ After that again started walking about 200 + aimlessly. Idk why, walking with him, I start to say things out. Everything that was bothering me, everything that was on my mind. After walking for about 1 and a half hour mmr sent me home :) Guess it was really a long time since I last talked to someone and my mood changed so swiftly! Happy much. Though I didn't have them, I had a wonderful birthday even though I was sad. Thanks to especially them, mmr and her for th simple celebrations :) Those presents they gave me were wonderful too ^^ Didn't thought I would receive any presents from anyone this year. They disappointed me much. Not even a birthday card or anything.. Sigh. Doesn't matter I guess? People leave as and when they feel like. Its not like I can stop them.

Their gifts were: 2 hello kitty stretchable keychains, 1 hello kitty bunny hp pouch and a pig-like-rabbit! Cute much. That day we were just cursing and swearing that the person didn't cut out for et's present and she saw th price! Before opening I thought maybe it would be there? :) Haha. They still told me CONFIRM don't have. When I saw th present I flipped th thing attached to it. LOL! The price was there! :D Haha. The other one jiu shi 3566 <3

Well k. This post is alittle long cos of th ups and downs I have been feeling lately.. I'll just go with whatever which comes byy and takes it as it goes. Cos this is life.

~*T,C&LWNR**~

08:29PM ; 22 September 11

Shag, really really shag...I saw part of a sentence of your msg, then quickly close th msg.. Really don't wish to read it... Already in tears badly.. Its just so nice you're not around when its my birthday... Too many things I wanna say to you... I really wanna see you so much, so many things on my mind... Just can't tell you..

Finally used all my courage and read the whole msg... Without you, how can I be happy? You won't understand anything... Tonight's gonna be a very, very long night....

~*T,C&LWNR**~

01:22AM ; 18 September 11

I hate it! Why are things getting in my way!? Wtf did I do again! Waiting for your msg, waiting for you, whats wrong with that? Everything I do also have wrong! What am I suppose to do? Really had it liao la hor! You want like this so much jiu sua. I no need your stupid care! Jiu hope you two happily get together. Shouldn't get in your way anymore. You happy jiu hao! _|_ Since I know my stand already I shouldn't keep be such a pest! What was I thinking? Think too much liao la! Its not even meant to be in th first place! I shouldn't care anymore. Friends? So be it. Its best that way anyway. Hais, whatever ba.

~*T,C&LWNR**~

06:39PM ; 13 September 11

Why why why? Why does things always have to turn out bad? At the point I thought you knew most, you would come tell me things which I want to hear, end up you said a load of things which hurt me most.. Sigh... I controlled, or else I'd sure %^*(!#& at you.. That day I nao fan with my brother cos of this too... He suddenly start talking about malay don't know whatsoever thing till I got damn dl, jiu never talk to him for more than a week.. Sigh. I was flaring from th moment you said those stuffs. Then I saw you posting at twitter saying hao xin mei you hao bao? I jiu take it its referring to me.. I didn't understand at all.. Was texting with someone so told her th whole thing.. And then what she said totally made sense.. It was cos you were afraid I got hurt th same way you got from HIM previously so you wanted to tell me before hand.. Just that you said it a little too direct and hurting... Sigh.. But why? Idk.. Idk what I'm even thinking of. Though we might be worlds apart, what makes us close is that he'd always make it a point to make me smile no matter what th situation is. He never fail to keep trying. His care, is totally much more than of anyone's now. Sooner or later he'll definitely overtake th ones which means alot to me in my heart. Everything he does, whatever he says, it seems as if though he's my diary. But sadly I just keep pushing him away cos we can't be so close cos we're just friends and cos I don't wish him to worry for me. His feelings, they're obvious enough. I don't wish to take th risk anymore and make things awkward again. Once is good enough. Hope there'll soon be an answer to all my unanswered questions and for things to get better :')

~*T,C&LWNR**~

02:22AM ; 11 September 11

Things aren't getting better as time passes, I guess? Yesterday went visiting with them cos you went. You said you quit smoking already, end up I think I saw you smoke? I treat it as my eyes were playing tricks on me. Then close to going back that time I heard someone asking you want smoke not, you say 'later' . How does later sound as if you have quit? Just pretending that I heard and see wrongly ba. I also started to think, how long more am I suppose to wait? Wait for you as long as I did for him? I don't really need any status but I just wanna know where's your heart heading for. Who's it for? The things you say, the things you do touches me. But then, what about HER? It definitely isn't over. Am I suppose to wait? Till when? I can wait, but there will be a time I'll get tired and wanna give up. I don't know if you're even worth it even I know you're better than th past him. You make me smiles, everything that makes me happy has you in them.. But there are too many buts, too many ifs, too many questions and too too many unanswered questions.. How am I to get those answers I want? All th answers you wanted from me all I've told you. But all that I've asked you? Sigh.. This time it sure isn't a one sided thing but its just too complicated. Am I suppose to step off stage again? I once let you go, am I suppose to do th same thing to let things have a better ending? SIGH! You promised to be there, but you're simply th reasons for me to always be in such a delima. Its impossible to turn to you for such things... Hais. Guess its left with only this blog and me.. Maybe twitter? You won't ever understand all these... You also once asked if I was th jealous type indirectly. Ofcourse I am, but how was I suppose to tell you such things? Some things aren't meant to be said just yet cos I still don't have that rights to say. Too many things... Sigh..

CONFUSED!

10:24PM ; 9 September 11

Today's 2 EL papers heng its quite okay. But thanks to oral and LC I'll sure get pulled down. Prolly a B or C for EL. MT surely get no lower than a C. Maths CPA, EBS gonna ping dao di. Must study and stop thinking of other things. But... Hais!!

Why isn't it me or to me? Why? Why is it so? Why does things have to point to me when its not someth good? Sigh. The only thing I can do is avoid and escape. There's nothing else I can do. There's no way to face such things... I hate it.. Thinking you could be th one there, its impossible. Its impossible for you to be there all th time. I've to grow up and stop relying on anyone. No one's gonna stay forever. There's a time you'll definitely go for sure. You have your own life and we're totally friends. Though your so sweet towards me, your words might be true. But what about for her? She still has and will have that place in your heart.. Sigh. Words can't be trusted... Gonna just do my best for the remaining 5 papers for N's. Must chiong dao di. Jiayou to myself...

~*T,C&LWNR**~

08:15PM ; 7 September 11

Decided come bloggg:) Finally, I'm being in a good mood. Guess its cos of you. You're th cause of my tears, smile, laughter and everything happening. Without you none of this will be possible. Though we're friends, as long as I know your feelings for me its good enough. It ain't a need to be a couple. As long as you happy, I am too. I didn't know you could be th someone which can initiate me to do so many things. Things I'd never want to take initiative to do, I already did to you. Things are getting better. I hope they will continue to be. N's have started. I really shouldn't be spending too much time on th comp already. So far chinese papers finally all over. Guess I'll get worse a B or C? Oral, listening and paper, was much MUCH easier than expected ^^ But sadly, for EL I haven't been doing so well :( Oral cui, listening cui:( Left th 2 main papers tmrw! If I don't score well, I guess its gg.com for me! :( Must do well for tmrw's paper!! Then jiu left with CPA EBS and maths! I better do well for especially MATHS OR ELSE I WILL FA SIAO. I still suck at it, but I'm trying.. K, gotta stop saying le. Need go study as I told myself gotta study at 5.30!! BYEBYE :D

~*T,C&LWNR**~

05:30PM ; 06 September 11

Its the first time I drink cos of you.. Fcking shag... Wonder what you wanted to say isit someth good or bad.. What I mean to you.. Will things end up to be someth good? Will you be alright? Sigh... You shi bai le... And you suddenly cared.. I thought you would, end up your shag and didn't bother much.... Sigh.. Gonna seh diao le,.... Drink and vomitted, feeling so awful... Time to go rest.. Doubt will be able to sleep so soon... Sigh...Seh seh seh..

*~T,C&LWNR**~

04:14AM ; 03 September 11

I guess they were all words to sweeten me up, to cheer me up.. I know things will never get better... No matter how much I try to fight for you, end up th answer wouldn't still be me. Your great, your perfectly flawless. I don't understand why had I done those kind of things to you and now it all returns... Sigh.. What goes around really goes around.. I deserve it... Waited for almost an hour for you to text me, end up you just went over to her and not even care. Then whats th point of me crying over thinking so much when I know its already pointless? I'm pathetic.. I guess its really pointless.. No matter how much I do and try it won't be of any use... I can't move on. Every single words you said is stucked up my mind.. Why do you have to treat me so nice when obviouslt your answer isn't me? Why are you doing this to me? I guess you've already got back what you wanted... You used to hate me for playing with your feelings. I hate it... Fcking shag.. I guess I'll be telling you all my feelings I have for you, once again... Sigh.. Fml..

12:47AM ; 02 September 11

So dulan with everything! Nb, what have I done wrong to you? Why you so buey kae yan with me like that?! Knn. I also never offend you. Fcker. Everytime you come near me someth bad happena. Make th whole cb thing drop on my leg that night, followed by your racism thing towards him. Pcb, you think you bigger than me jiu can like that? Want make fun want disturb me jiu come make me la. Other people also never do anything yet you've so many yi jian towards everything. Your th only one caring, bothering and trying to do all sorts of things to try cheer me up. Sigh.. I really have to control my fcked up attitude. I have to. I must. Gotta really calm down now. Hais.

08:28PM ; 01 September 11

I'm feeling super happy^^ Though we ain't tgthr, th outcome's getting better. Made a stupid decision by just wanting to be your sister like friend. But what choice do I have? Since I've confessed, you know it, I'll just wait, since its quite impossible to get over you. Though I haven't forgotten you've hurt me, I'll just allow time to heal the wounds. I feel blessed having you around. To be th one who'll be there for me. I hope it'll last. This is the first time I'm being so honest and daring to a guy. I took the inniciative and confessed. Well I don't regret it. Even though your heart ain't here, at least you are. Ni de kuai le deng yu wo de kuai le. I just want to see you happy even if it ain't over me. Hope everyday will see you happy and things start to turn out better as days pass. I guess now can see I'm kinda love de high ^^ I'm more into you even after th bad outcome! Hoping everyday would be a better day ♥

~*T,C&LWNR**~

07:22PM ; 30 August 11

Guys guys guys! Just totally a load of nonsense! Fck yourself nbcb. I ain't a choice for you to pick as and when you like! Want jiu ask, don't want jiu look for the other one! Bloody pbk! Your so gonna get it. Karma surely will strike you back you you bo lp! Be zha borh sua la! Cklps. Talk cock and nonsense best! You'll be the last one I ever fall for so stupidly. I've fcking learnt my lesson for good now. I definitely will change and not be so soft hearted like an idiot anymore! I ain't your barbie doll! Just fck away?! PLEASE!? The further the better! Heartbreaker, you better get what you deserve! Just my damn suey luck to fall for you! I'm so damn gonna wake up from guys being all the same type! I thought you were different, I thought you ain't like other guys, other jerks which only talk! You changed, you so damn changed within not even a year! Disappointed ttf! Why did you become like this?! Probably everything all started cos of me! Yea, I shouldn't even have entered your life! Being so thick skinned I went to confess to you and the outcome turned out like some fcked- up crap! Just wtf is wrong?! Do I really this?!! Why did you turn to be like this!? Why ain't you th innocent one I used to know!? Where have the he gone to?! F IT! I'm not gonna be like this anymore! Its so stupid!

Probably, I just deserve it...

~**T,C&LWNR**

05:00PM ; 29 August 11

I'm so in trouble. I confessed to the person! Now still waiting for the person's reply... Told someone I shag, yet she say she can't be my pair of listening ears... I said nvm, but actually I mind! I totally mind! I'm so shag, afraid and all! Yet I can only turn to myself! Sigh!! Guess its gonna be a long night... I only told th person cos of what a friend said.. Don't wait till its too late... I guess it already is anyway...

03:05

Its all along my fault. I shouldn't be here brooding bout all these already.. Fcking crying again over you. I shouldn't have even opened my big mouth. So gbl for what?! He's gonna be attached.. I guess I should be happy for him... Fearing I might lose you as a friend, I decided to keep waiting on and on.. Its already too late.....

03:15

I ought to stop being so naive. Time to wake up... Since I've already told you the truths, I guess its time to let go.. No point holding on. Not too late, cos I'm already way past too late..

03:20

Sigh... Freaking shag. Cried like siao... Tears kept rolling down.. Sigh.. I wonder what will happen tmrw... I guess I won't be able to even talk to him as per normal... Sigh... Its all my gbl fault.. Gonna play some dumb games to not think so much and off to bed..

~*T,C&LWNR**~

04:00AM ; 29 August 11

Guess I'm staying up too late often, always get headache... Shag again, thanks to watching more of hptx. Hope that'll be the last time I cry over you, bloody jerk. Cong lai bu xi huan ji hen, jiu shi he ruo. Hais. Have to sleep before 03:31, before I think of alot of things again. Once the clock hit that time I'll sure end up getting pissed and all again, sure don't need sleep le. Left less than 10mins more to go... 020910, 03;31 <\3 I shouldn't be thinking of you and the past anymore. Heart matters, wo zui xun. I hate it. Its so confusing. Shouldn't even think so I won't get hurt.. Hmmm, hao ba, off to sleep now before it hits that stupid time and I can't sleep then jialat. Will continuing blogging tmrw or in the next few days... Z.Z

Xin sui le <\3

~*T,C&LWNR**~

03:28AM ; 28 August 11

Sigh. I a fcking bad mood now. Every little thing are getting on my nerves. Wtf. Idk whats wrong at all. I wonder what has gotten into me. So damn shag. What on earth's even happening? Don't feel like bothering bout anyone's texts or calls. I feel really tired. Who'll willingly stay and promise not to leave FOR GOOD? No one. No one can make such a promise. Guys, all the same. Patterns many many. Play finish liao find new one, or else is go jio another one. Tiong xim? Tiong lj. Full of craps and lies. Friends? Yea I've plenty of them. But when trouble's here, who will even bother to stay and listen? NO ONE. NO ONE WILL WILLINGLY CARE AND EVEN PUSH THINGS ASIDE TO EVEN LISTEN ME OUT. Hoping some day I just disappear. I'm sick of this shits. CKLPS. Only phrase I can think of describing. No one is reliable or trustable. All I have is myself. I'm only a toy and a replacement to people. Nothing more possible. I smile I laugh obviously cos I don't wanna seem shag or make those around me worried. Hais. Just wtf's wrong?! I hate being in my position. Whatever I do for people around me doesn't seem to be good enough. Though money might not be able to make people happy, for me it is. How I make friends stay for a longer period of time? Spend money on them, make them happier that way. A great example on it, a guy. He's the one I used to love the most I ever did to anyone, the one which meant the most to me. Just to help clear his debts, I forked out all I could till I suffered gastric for a very long time. Went around borrowing money like a dog till people see me also scared. Did all sorts of things just to save him his stupid life. Went out with him alone once the whole day, spent more than $70 just for him to not get bored, just for him to enjoy all he could. After everything is over, after all his debts, did he even rmb me as a friend? NO. He treats me like dirt until today. He must be still thinking what a great source of money I was.. So I guess if I was broke and stuffs, I'd not have friends. This is also the reason why I told a group of friends that all I needed was money, not friends. Yet another time I needa go through these nonsense. I wonder when will this ever end. FML! I don't deserve such a torture. I don't deserve any of these. I wanna disappear, I wanna be gone and not be here living like this so helplessly. This feeling, its really too much of loneliness. Though now I've still afew people to listen me out, some things are just too personal to be said to them. They won't understand, unless they experience it themselves. Hais. Thats why I'm trying to treasure everything I've got, doing and trying to hold people back from leaving. Nothing's even stopping.. Fated I guess. My best buddies are still twitter and blogging, the only things which I can turn to and be at when I'm shag and when I wanna be alone.. Thats all for now... Time for me to clean up those tears and start doing my things...

~*T,C&LWNR**~

10:32PM ; 27 August 11

Damn shag out of a sudden.. Was freaking tired and now I'm wide awake. Wtf is wrong? Hais... Things are really getting out of control.. Why are people starting to leave again? Why? What have I done wrong this time again? Misunderstand him, treated her like crap? WHAT? I'm tired liao la. If all intended to leave, why in the first place must all of you show up in my life? F! Really enough liao know? Wo hen lei. I don't wish things to keep repeating themselves so I just let things be... Now damn shag, don't know what and why uh. Something seem to have just pissed me, but I don't know what.... Don't think wanna text anyone for the next few days till my mood gets better.... Hais. What should I do now? Drink till really toh tonight? Before 2 cans I guess I'll already be knocked out. I'm super sleepy... Hais.... I wish I wake up tmrw seeing things getting better... I really don't want you people to leave... FML!

~*T,C&LWNR**~

11:26PM ; 26 August 11

Cos of a bloody jerk, I cried otw home. I find myself damn ridiculous. I really learnt my lesson. JERKS MANY MANY. Not even one can ever prove to me that anything last. All should just fck out away from me. -.- Why all of you have to come ruin my life so badly? Wtf seriously. I think I'll stick to blogging more things since some people are following me on twitter. Tsk. Hate it when they misunderstand or think its them when its not. So crappppp. And today, got back prelim results, I guess, I'm just getting what I've worked for. Nothing really great. Hmm, hope its a so so result to you. A ccb guy keep suan wo. Wtf. Win me one paper act sibei _|_ really wanted to go over punch your stupid face. -.- You pbk. Hope to continue doing better. Everyday do abit revision, better than nothing. N levels less than a month away le. Gotta limit myself in everything I do. Wanna score good and not let the person down. I guess this person is the person I should most thank for whatever that I have today. Without this person, everything cui. I don't think I'll even be how I am today. Well, keeping everything to myself here and at another place is the most I can do. Don't say jiu no problem. Say liao later problems appear again. Sigh. So, I've got a conclusion. I won't be believing in long term r/s or even bgr now. ESP NOW. All talk cock. Cklps people. Just die man seriously.. <\3

And oh ya. Its 1 month 1 day away from my birthday. T_T LOL.

K bye.

~*T,C&LWNR**~

10:32PM ; 18 August 11

Fcking sick of it. Come back jiu kpkb. Smlj. Go out after last paper also have wrong. Now N level meh? Nbcb. Want tell you bout today's exam, you jiu kp say don't want listen. Wtf? I have even say anything? Don't go jiu don't go la. I happy I jiu do what. I also not your dog, why should I do as told only? I'm seriously sick of it. You not tired I tired already. THIS IS TOTALLY NOT THE BEST PLACE TO BE AT. Fck all of you. Its not even fair. Want go out machiam one dog nia. Wanna tell you bout papers, you give me a fucked up reply. You know my feelings not? You know its so disappointing and hurting? Do you all only thinking that GOING OUT is the only thing I know? Talk to you all also have problem. Enough le. Want me study, I PIAN PIAN DON'T WANT TO. I'm not your bloody dog. Its my life. Kp some more, I'll ruin it more. I suffer? Good then. Hope I die soon and disappear from all your lives. You all want it like this, so BE IT! I Won't give a fck anymore. Like this you all then happy ma. Forget it man seriously. I'm tired of trying to be like this as if I'm some kinda dog. JUST BLOODY FCK OFF IF YOUR NOT HAPPY. _|_

FML TTM.

~*T,C&LWNR**~

07:38PM ; 16 August 11

Suddenly I'm having this kinda sour feeling. I know its someth to do with heart matters, but just what is it? Hais. Why won't it go away? I feel like crying too. Wtf is wrong with me? Now I'm so having mixed feelings. F it man.. All these memories are killing me. Just getting to see you and having those feelings are killing me. You still keep reappearing at the times I don't want to see you. Go away please? I've no more space in my heart. I don't want you back. It really hurts know? Screaming at you the reasons why I don't needa help you, it really hurts. Sigh. There's nothing else I can do.. Feel like drinking now... F everything ....

~*T,C&LWNR**~

0!:55AM ; 14 August 11

I realise, I'm fcking pathetic. Fs, rs. I SHI BAI DAO DI! What have I ever gotten? Nothing! Just wtf is wrong! Sometime I really just feel like disappearing from earth and never return! Fuck everything like seriously! I hate it! Probably I should fck my existence from ppl's lives! When will I ever yu dao a someone which will even stay and remain as my listening ears? Wei shen me wo zhe me shi bai? All alone now, feeling so shag. This isn't the time this should ever happen... When will anyone even understand these feelings? Its fcking miserable. FML. How many times do I have to break down? I hate my existence. Just what are promises? CKLPS! All full of nonsense! I should start waking up from all my dreams! Friends? They're nothing but playtime mates. Other than that, what or who do I have to turn to? Sigh.. Tonight's gonna be a very long night... God bless myself to not do anything dumber than crying... <\3

~*T,C&LWNR**~

12:31AM ; 9 August 11

I'm a coward, so I choose to avoid everything when they come! Hais! I JUST WANNA CALM DOWN FIRST! Your damn texts are so hurting you know?! I doubt you even realise! I'm too selfish, but what does it make you become after saying me till like that! I doubt you'll even bother! I really give up le! I think I diam diam sua! Since want it like this, I grant it to you! I'm gonna leave you alone from now! You happy jiu hao. Guess its cos of what I post here. I know what to do already.. Best is I disappear too. Hope so. That way, I won't be in any more problems... All the best to you ba.

I'll do what I think I should.

~*T,C&LWNR**~

10:36PM ; 7 August 11

Now we're talking again. Not really friends, yet not really enemies. Just what are we? :( Hais. I can't expect much. Now I'll just go along with you. Thanks to my stupid wrong doings, I feel too guilty to say anything. I'll really have to change things about myself now. Gotta learn to make and accept changes. Its coming 4 years already. Time to really change now. I should do whatever that's right ~ Don't feel like blogging le. TTT (TIME TO TWEET) . K bye.

~*T,C&LWNR**~

07:04PM ; 6 August 11

Wake up! Just wth is wrong with you? Can't you see the situation? Don't fall back out of sympathy! Wtf is wrong? Uhhh! Wth is wrong with me? Hate this feeling man. I think I'm like kinda having mixed feelings.. So damn f-up feelings:( Can't I just stop thinking? Idk whats wrong.. If I fall back, I'll feel as if I've done him wrong and I'll be sucha let down to myself! But I can't help it at all..Wapiang, seriously, I should stop being like this le! I hate it ttm! URRGHHH! Somehow, the feelings got back I think? Now how to sleep like this! Hais! So ke bei la. Sigh. What should I do? Act as if I don't care when I do? Its too difficult... Sigh sigh sigh!! No one will understand ): I hate this feelings <\3 I hope I'll understand what my heart's trying to tell me. Hais! GOING KI TAO HONG LIAO:( Want sleep also sure can't sleep. Think I'm gonna pour things out on twitter.. Hope I won't say the wrong thing and he won't see the wrong things..

~*T,C&LWNR**~

04:00 ; 6 August 11

Just within one night, I had so many thoughts. I'm a person which like to express myself with words so I'd ofcourse have alot to blog out. I realised so many things. Wo cuo guai le ni. You weren't even as bad as I thought. Maybe you knowing more than you know now will cause you to really hate me more, but I really found out your someone I need. You ain't anything like I thought you were. Hais. Luckily I didn't say or do anything rashly back then. I'm really starting to dislike who I am. I have to do things guang ming zhen da and stop being the way I are now. Nobody's perfect, but I ain't trying hard enough. I've had enough of being said so much. I have to change. Time to reflect more first. Its almost been 4years. We've also been good friends since we knew each other. Slowly, we got closer and closer. End up being bffs. I admit I did you wrong. But what can I do now when its already too too late? All I can do is to cherish the ones I have left. I musn't acting the way I kept being for the past year and so. Or things will worsen. This time I'm determined. So I must. Though I did you wrong, through all those little texts, messages from you, I know deep down your heart you still care. But you try not to already. I don't deserve anything from you, but you still are giving me those care and concern. Hais. Sometimes I really think I zuo ren tai shi bai le. Given a choice, I'd never let you go when we even had that quarrel. Till today, its been the 1 month and 4th day we weren't close already. I also don't know what I'm thinking sometimes. I think too much ba. I guess, your importance to me was way more than I thought it was. Too bad, its really too late. Now I'm waiting for your text or fb notification. I doubt you'll respond. I don't think you will. I've been staring at my phone the whole day. Not even a single text after I called you. I really want to text you, but yet the guiltiness will just come back to me and I dare not text you. I hate this feeling. Hais. I guess its cos I'm afraid I'll get a response which I don't wish to see ba. I hope we'll get back to how we were, but yet, I fear to. I guess I'll need to start learning how to manage my time. But firstly, I've gotta see whats gonna happen next. Hais, dou shi wo cuang chu lai de huo. Maybe I'll give you a text just before I go to sleep... ): Hais!!

To another you, sometimes seeing your text makes me frustrated, not cos its something I don't wish to see. Its cos you make me confused. So many things are on my mind. How is it possible to reply you with so many things i'm thinking? Its coming a month le. But what can I do? Though I want you around, your companion, whatever I do, I care, I also can't let you know. Well I've got my reasons. All I have to say is I'm sorry. A day without your text really makes me feel weird. Idk if its cos of the things happening or what, but just today without your text makes me feel rather amiss of something. I guess I'll just let you be until at least I know what to do next. Bao qian <\3

K, I needa go study!! Cannot get bothered so much le! Can't think so much! Best is go study, study dao bth then sleep, so I won't keep thinking so much! Hais!! Hope I'll overcome everything soon and start changing into a better person before something goes wrong and blablabla happens! I wanna get to study now );<

~*T,C&LWNR**~

12:36AM ; 7 August 11

Its been a long time since I updated this blog. So called long ba. Wanna start updating more stuffs. I decided to leave all of them le. But what about her? Hais I also don't even know. I feel so bad. Its been 20 days. So what f I care but act as if I don't. I don't know what I should do so I didn't reply. Hais. I'm afraid to say the wrong thing. All of them at the other side seem like they are having a good time. Since I'm gone, I guess they are having the time of their lives. Well, another someone even overtaken my position between afew of them. See liao also sian. Damn sad. I mustn't give up at a point like this. Without them, I have to go on still. No point crying over spilled milk. I can't expect anything out of them anymore. I did one wrong, but its good as I did all of them wrong. I won't wanna plead her for forgiveness. I won't not cos I don't want to. Its cos I don't want to still continue sucha life like the one I used to have. Yes, fun is fun, happy is happy. But when it was time, all left without even saying. Since I know how much my presence mean to them, I might as well take my leave without any notice, before people say I AA again. Life now's still not bad. At least I still have him and her plus afew more others to rely on. Though they ain't strong enough to let me rely all the way, its good enough for the time being. So lucky to have this current batch of friends, though its impossible to be as close as the one I used to have. Past is the past, say so much also won't have any use at all. Daily, I think so much of the past. Of the times I used to have all of you around. The times we spent talking otp, the times we hangout, do things we ain't suppose to, esp me. Those times, hais. They were the best memories I didn't know even friends could give. Seeing all of you having fun and all are the things I just hope to see. Hope all of you will continue being as one without me. I know, my presence doesn't mean that much, or maybe I'm thinking too much. Well that doesn't matter already. I never expected days like this would ever come. To you, I'm sorry I let you down. Sorry for not being able to be there for you. Till today, I still don't know how to face you though I don't know what exactly I've done wrong. I hope you'll always remember those times we had.. To another you, sorry, I'm currently having too many thoughts and I don't know what to do. We'll see as time pass ba. Lastly to you, you disappointed me the most number of times. I've not given up on you, but I have to go. My stay will just be a nuisance to you. I know. So I'll go for good. From that day since I realise things have been so bad, I decided to step out of all of your lives. Sorry, but thats the only route I can take. I hope things will continue going on smoothly for all of you. Thanks for the memories <\3

As of now, prelims and so still going on~ Current life, still not bad. But just very busy. N's getting nearer and nearer, gotta stop thinking too much and strive forward. Hope things get better and you* won't leave when I'm in need of help or someone. :) , :/ Will update again if I'm free and not lazy~

GOTTA BUCKUP AND LEAVE THE PAST BEHIND <\3

~*T,C&LWNR**~

12:04AM ; 6 August 11

BACK! Long time haven't updated blog. So many things happened lately. Have since not talked to her for awhile. Go school, go alone or else with some other classmate. Sad uh. Everything changed. He's no longer by me. He chose this route. She haven't contact me since then. I guess I'll just continuing taking this route if thats what this should be. I won't wanna force anything outta it. I'm sad, but so what. What matters is that I'm not part of their burden nor problems anymore. Sigh. Will update more soon again.

~*T,C&WNR**~

07:53PM ; 22 July 11

I guess I've got my answers to it all . Why are these happening ? I seem to be just a tiny part of everything . Why ? Why are things getting out of hand ? Why ain't things getting better ? I'm really tired of this le . Why do I have th one to be taking th inniciative all th time ? I'm human too . Why only is it always got to be me ? I can't stand it . When will this ever end ? Hais . Maybe I ought to know and rmb my position to you . I can't be anything more than what I should be in . Maybe those things which I said only made you sympathise me . I need not need it . I hate this in fact . I ain't thinking too much I know . I'll just go along w whatever that comes now . Enough le . Time to do as I promised and just go for those targets . I must not fail them .. Must jiayou all th way ~ I only started realising things I didn't know . Those chances , opportunities , I missed it all . I hate myself for doing that . How silly . And th day* is reaching soon . I wonder what am I suppose to do ... Hais !

11:04PM ; 15 July 11

~*T,C&LWNR**~

Some things are better being blogged than vented out on facebook or to anyone . No one understands . Sigh . How and who to turn to ? BLOG . What should I do ? THINK . How should I do things ? THINKING FIRST . Miss th past ? IDK . Them ? No idea too . I'm shag . Upset and everything . Even after thinking so much for so long , there still doesn't seem like any ways to get rid of all these . Sigh ); Sometimes I really don't know what should I do . Sometimes when things are getting out of hand . When I can't do a thing . I just wanna give up . But I can't . Sigh ... I feel super down .

10:17PM ; 13 July 11

~*T,C&LWNR**~

Sigh . No matter what I say or do , I know nothing ever return th way it was . Why do you have to act as if you even care when you already don't ? Since you already made it so clear I guess I shouldn't be so persistent or care any further . In 2 days time , if you don't manage to receive it , fated . After that day , I'll stop contacting all of you . Not anymore . I've made up my mind . I hope you all will lead a much better and more peaceful life without me . No matter how much I hate things this way , I'll let it be and just leave .

Sigh , I know its surely gonna be a difficult time for me . As long as you all are happier , its all worth it . Everywhere I go , there would always have memories of someth got to do with all of you . Nevermind . Since I've made up my mind , I shall not go against it . I'll be going very different routes from all of you . Wherever I am , I'll just make sure I'm away from your so history won't repeat again . Hais ..

09:00 PM ; 06 July 11

~*T,C&LWNR**~

What am I suppose to do now ? Just told her I'll stay positive before heading home . But now ? Shag over th same issue . Though I'm forcing myself to get used to it , I know things won't change . I don't know how else or what should I do . It must be me and my darn existence again . URRGHH !!! Whatever I talk to friends about daily stuffs , dou hui talk until you come into th picture . Wherever we go , whatever we do or talk about , you'll be in it .. Sigh . Imy and I'm so sorry . I don't know what can I do too . I ought to let go I guess ... All of you all at th same time and stop bothering any of you again ... Na zhong kui jiu gan , hui yong yuan zai xin li le ... No matter what I do , its gonna be with me for a very long time for sure ... Sigh , thanks to me and myself ... Zi zhao mafan .. Hate it ttm . I deserve it ba . Time to go my own way and do my best to get out of this place ...

Did or do any of you know how difficult this path is ? Its never a path I thought I'd did ever had to take . Its never what I wanted . I never thought such things would happen ... Sigh . Since it happened , I guess I'm left with them to turn to .. Thanks to them , thanks to them for making me smile and laugh no matter how much I want to break down .. Really thankful ... Ain't gonna be so wang en fu yi and take things for granted already ... Sigh ..

06:08PM ; 5 July 11

~*T,C&LWNR**~

Whats th point of having regrets at a point like this ? I didn't do anything wrong , and your again like th past you . Whats wrong with me or you ? Day after day , things are just getting worst . I miss you , th past and everything we shared togthr before . I guess you don't even remember them . Being a friend , also seem so difficult . What else can I do ? Everything I ought to say I said . All those I shouldn't I also did . Well , I've nothing else to say that can make you stop being like . Its such a torture . I hate this . I wish I'll manage to reach my target within these few years time . I've enough le .. Sigh .

12:02AM ; 4 July 11

~*T,C&LWNR**~

Every kinda thoughts coming through my mind . What am I suppose to do now ? Really time to mia from everything and start learning from th start again ... Gonna needa learn to do things th right way and and not always so negative ... Regretful , think too much m too negative , too naive . Thats th problems . Sigh . I must have again taken things and people for granted that make things turn out so badly . Not th first time already . Probably th second worst time , that you don't even care anymore . I must really have done someth wrong . Your beginning to be exactly like her ... Sigh . Sorry . I can't be that particular one in that position anymore . Time to wake up for good

12:47AM ; 03 July 11

~*T,C&LWNR**~

Gotta learn to be a better person from this moment on . Can't bear to lose anything more .. Enough le . Grow up xmm !

Just what have I done wrong ? Everytime this kinda things happen . Again , now need talk to someone . Talk to who ? Myself ? I don't think there's any more point in deceiving myself to anything already .. Won't turn to you le ... XGJH ! Gotta learn to be independent and grow up from now ...

~*T,C&LWNR**~

12:05AM ; 03 July 11

Somehow , things are getting from bad to worst . Theres no way I can do to make things th way they are . I seem positive , always giving people advices and stuffs , end up can't even do anything bout my own problems , still want to help other people . Hais !!! Urghh . Maybe thats what I'm good at and so I shouldn't bother bout such nonsense ... I wish I could be able to convince myself to let go of it all . I don't know whats th point of insisting and holding on when there doesn't seem to have any hope at all . CUI ! Shag man . Sigh . What more can I do now ? <\3 I miss all of you and th past very much . Sadly its already all th past . I didn't do anything wrong ... Hais . Needa learn to walk a route on my own ba . Xi guan jiu hao . Can't be so weak ! Needa jiayou and go for it , can't so easily break down anymore !

~*T,C&LWNR**~

11:20PM ; 1 July 11

Tiring day . Celebrated friend's birthday with another grp of cliques . Had fun (: Hope th birthday girl will be happy with her gift^^ Spent so long searching for it cos I ain't into KPOP !! It totally isn't worth th price , but it sure is worth to see a smile th receiver smiles when she receives it . I'm willing to spend money on people and friends just to see them smile and be happy , even if its for a moment . Its all worth it though kinda silly (:

Whatever you said made sense . What comes around goes around . But I'm sure I haven't done anything to deserve such treating from th three of you . Well , I choose to believe that its all part of life . We've all parted . All changed . Not that I didn't . But even if I did , its mostly because of these happenings . I've decided to stop deceiving myself with all th stuffs I've been thinking of . Time to step out of it and stop going back into it . Sigh . Confused:(

~*T,C&LWNR**~

11PM ; 1 July 11

Can't believe it . Sigh . In th first place jiu shouldn't have taken any orders from them . No money shouldn't even take . Hai dao now everything my fault . Cry liao who cares ? F care . Cos they not th ones responsible to pay nor be responsible for th bags . Sigh . Though it seems like a very simple thing , it is , but make until it got worst . Supplier texted me saying bags increased $3 cos of shipping fee , I told all of them . All say okay . Then supplier again texted me ask me add $3 more then changed to $1 for each bag . I didn't even earn any of their money , yet have to go through all this kinda thing . Though th bag can be sold to someone else , its making me in a diff position as I'm not even th one paying for it . They won't understand . All they "know or think" is I'm earning their money . Well , I'm never gonna sell things to friends anymore . Thinking that its cheap so I asked them out of good will as they are quite close , things went out th wrong way . So damn disappointed . All these disappointments , they won't understand cos none of them wants to think about me . They say so easy , cancel jiu cancel , now I jialat jialat with th 2 bags . Sigh . I hate it this way and damn shag and disappointed with them . Well , its all about bs and things that they can never understand . I didn't earn a thing and I seem to be th huai ren as if i'm trying to earn their money when I don't even earn 10 cents out of each bag . I shouldn't try to be so "hao xin" and ask so much next time . Hais ... Why won't they just try to understand ? Its not even my fault .. If they feel as if I'm "cheating" or scamming or whatsoever , why not they think , isn't it worst that I have to take responsibility for 12 bags and not just their's ? Say so easy jiu shi "I don't want th bag liao" , cos either "Getting more and more exp lea" / "I don't think I'll be using even if I buy" , then in th first place want buy and last min cancel , make me in such a difficult position ? Or , its not as if I want to increase th pricing of those bags when I don't even earn a thing . Sigh ... Suan le ba . I'll never take such risks or be so kpo ask so much in future ... Disappointed , cried , but end of th day , who cares and will understand ?... Hais , time to stfu ..

~*T,C&LWNR**~

11:29PM; 30 June 11

Friends ? Just wtf are friends ? Will be there ? Smlj ? I learn from you all . When you all are in need of someone , I'll just hiu lan . Not my problem what . Fair and square . You all want how jiu how . Wondering wtf is my fucking existence for . Knn . CKLPS then have uh ! F everything man . Friends ? Those who'll approach me cos they even care or bother then really appreciates it . Just wtf am I caring so much for ?-.- I've really had it already ! I'm tired ! I'll just f off th way all want it . Sigh , really confused ..

~*T,C&LWNR**~

11:05PM ; 28 June 11

Hais ... What can I do now ? Shag also can't tell you why .. I suck . I maybe th worst bitch to you .. Worst friend ... Hais . Other than this route , I can't seem to have any other choices to make ... I feel so bad , yet I feel so helpless .... Its all for th best .. I can't remain like how I used to be before , or it'll be a never ending thing . Sigh . Will you understand why I'm doing this ? No . You know I'm suffering more than you think I'm happy ? You know I teared alot ? It super hurt me doing this ... Hais , sorry but I have no other alternatives to choose from at a point like this ... Once everything is over , then I'll slowly explain to you ... I'm so sorry ..

SHAG ); SIGH ~

~*T,C&LWNR**~

08:53PM ; 27 June 11

Bad day !!

Today suck ttm ! 3 people suppose to turn up for trades , end up only one did . Still made me wait for 50 mins ?! #@$%@#$&*#$ to th core ! Urrghh . So annoyed-.- One overslept , th other couldn't make it , last one think he so dua pai make me wait . Tmd . Take one train from Kallang to Paya lebar need 50mins ?! Wtf . Tsk ! Early morning chiong with w bro to eunos , meet people take thing , going Boonlay , spammed th damn person's phone till like 5 more stations reaching , I went bugis . Received a text saying : So sorry , overslept ! -.- WTH ?! Sucha waste of my time . Otw to go bugis , friend texted telling me he cancelled order for someth he ordered . I*&#(*&$(*& him ttm man . OMG . Then before going find friends , wanted to collect supply for tees there , "SHOP CLOSED" . -.- !! Qi si ren le ! *It all happened in th morning ! Went Bugis , couldn't shop much cos they* were tired ): But finally bought th other stuffs and more HK pens^~^After that , suppose to do June HW , end up there laugh here laugh there , copy answer , do afew questions then jiu go eat dinner go back le . Had a long day though . Otw home just before gonna step out of shelter , I STARTED POURING LIKE CRAZY !! Wth ?! What stupid luck I have today ! Craps days mans ~ _|_ Hope I'll accomplish my other HW and stuffs tmrw ( TH LAST DAY BEFORE SCH REOPENS !) ); Sian sian sian !! Tonight will sure be another damn long night I guess . Sigh !:(

And to you , mo mo ren , so sorry for not being to accept th way your treating me . Well , probably its all just sympathy . I needn't need it . Appreciate all your care and kindness , but I guess its just too much . Dui bu qi !

~*T,C&LWNR**~

03:29AM ; 26 June 11

<\3

Well well ... 3 years have gone by and its already th mids of sec 4 . I guess everyth can never be th same as before , no matter what I say or hope . Sigh . Maybe , I'm just not good enough . You have been one of th best parts of this 3 years . I really appreciate th things you had and have been doing for me . Though things are getting from bad to worse , I choose to look at it th bright side . At least your happier this way (at least from what I see . I believe in life there will sure be more obstacles and difficult routes to take , choices to make . Though I may not be th one being able to be there anymore , I truly hope you'll find someone else to take my place . So many things we did , laughter , joy and tears , I'll never forget . Th things you say and did whenever I'm always shag , I really appreciate it alot . I didn't know I'll be that upset being in this position to you now . Well , I've got to accept it no matter how much I don't want things to be this way . Its been already going on for quite awhile and I've been always bringing it and these stuffs to you . You must be sick of listening to me complain all th time , thats why you take further steps away from me . Those times we had , I'll always rmb them . Th fun , everything , yes I sure will . Your one of a kind of wonder friend I've ever had . I know where I stand . Sometimes seeing you so miserable from afar , I wish to comfort you . But no matter how I try to go over , you'll still to push me away and fake a smile saying you're okay . I miss those times we cried , laugh , played in th rain , and every single experience we had . But sigh , I've really lose my position .. I hope whatever happens from now , you'll always be happy . You may even have forgotten me , or probably its me thinking too much cos I care . I hope we'll still be good friends at th very least ... If you've forgotten me , just think of our past sometimes will do . Thanks for all th care , love and concern as a friend . I've never regretted getting to know you from th very day we met . I appreciate everything and really owe you a big thank you . I wish things would have last longer than they would . Well , things had to end for sure .. Hope everything will go fine and smooth for you in no matter what you do ...

To: My Anonymous Friend <\3

Thanks for it all :'/

~*T,C&LWNR**~

25 June 11

Things you'd never know

I'm doing so much just to forget bout you , about anything that has to do with you . Sigh I guess you'll still be th same . I've done th best I could . Gonna let go once I can . Hope you'll be happier this way . All th best to you .. Th things I do for you , I guess you'll never know nor understand or even care ... Sigh . Just my luck .

~*T,C&LWNR**~

11:00PM ; 23 June 11

Officially made up my mind . Ain't gonna regret that decision . Its all over now ... I had to do things I didn't want to , so I'm doing it for th sake of everything . No one will understand but its okay . I rather play th bad person here for th sake of all of you . Its over ..

~*T,C&LWNR**~

01:07AM ; 21 June 11

What an interesting day I had ! Fell down and almost fainted due to gastric . How awesome . Thanks to two kind souls that I didn't go hospital . Without their help and all , I would have been sent to th hospital . What a great day ! Now I know gastric can be really very serious ~ Sigh , who cares . If I really did went hospital , i'll be happy though . No one gives a f at all . Love my life to th max . I hope one day I meet those two man and woman so I can really thank them ! And , worse come to worse , I hate it when things are like now . Everything has gone from bad to worse . I know both of you don't give a damn anymore . I'm gonna start living with th fact that things are like this . Hais . Imytvm <\3

~*T,C&LWNR**~

02:15AM ; 18 June 11

Seems like I can only turn to this pathetic blog . No one maybe reading this . Th better . Whoever sees this must be thinking how's it possible that my life's so miserable ? Yea , true . So pathetic life . At least I've still got someone I can really yi kao on . Sigh . He ain't th one I want it to be .. Tmrw's gonna be a fantastic day . I'll be out alone . Well , time to fan xing of th things I've done and everything . No close friends , doesn't matter . I'll just live with th fact and stop acting so pathetic and letting others sympathise me . Gonna study and focus on my other stuffs . No point brooding over these type of things when I know nothing's gonna change no matter what I do . Probably its my karma . I'll accept and move on without complaining already . Life has to go on no matter what happens . Sigh ..

~*T,C&LWNR**~

16 June 11

Sigh sigh ):

Hais , I thought with one arnd jiu hao le ... Now everyone seems gone , again ): Sigh . What should I do ? Turn to him* again ? Urrgh . Seriously crap life . Maybe I should just f off all of their lives and stop being so annoying saying so much all th time . Probably ... I should start getting used to it to a life with no close friends and with those type of "2 face" type of people ... Hais . My wonderful life . I love it so much .. I guess I deserve this . Time to wake up from th past .. Sigh ..

Seriously shag ttm .

~*T,C&LWNR**~

16th June 11

Happy and sad ): :D

Yay ~ He finally talk to me liao ! Wheeeeee ~ Hope we'll still be able to be close friends again ! But he seem so qi guai .. Saying so many weird weird stuffs . Hmmm , hope whatever he said was just joking ba . Sad cos , sigh . We* keep having so many conflicts . When then it'll be over ?): Sad sad de me ;( Lazy bloggy lerh ! Off to fb w meihuaaaaa <3 :D

~ *T,C&LWNR** ~

03:26AM ; 15 June 11

Sian max

Every night sleep so late , wake up so early . Feel like dying . Seem to be having fever . So unwell , so sian . Hais . Every night shag and fretting over th same things . What can I do ? Keep listening to so many songs which makes me more shag . Really very confused now . What should I do ? Cry also cry liao . Nothing seem to be working . Hais ... Life life life ! Days are getting worst . Urrghh . So much of stress , everything . ~ Selling things online is another stress . Customers sometimes ask or say stupid things . Pekcek sia -.- Hope everything will get better soon again ~ Urrghh . I'm a sad person man seriously . Pathetic .

~*T,C&LWNR**~

10:40PM ; 09 June 11

)':

Seriously , getting more and more shag by th minute . Whatever I do you won't be happy . Then fine . I'll make sure you'll be happy from now . However ways you do , will never be what I want . I hate my life . Hais . Thanks to you . There can be no days and night which I can sleep in peace without crying . Hais .

~*T,C&LWNR**~

09:44PM ; 02 June 11

Hais ...

You'll never know how much your words hurt me .. Thinking nothing would bother me , I didn't care . But as time passes , it got worst .. Day after day , from day to night , everything worsen .. I act as if I don't care , but what ? You won't understand at all .... Hais .. Hope what I'm trying to do really become that way .. Hais , hurting really alot .. Yr words are really very harsh .. Hais ... Other than crying , what can I do ? You'll eventually know why I'm doing all this since back then .. Hope you'll be okay ... Hais ....

Sieh shag dao can't shag already ....

~*T,C&LWNR**~

07:10PM ; 01 June 11

Sigh !

I must be really crazy to be blogging at a time like this .. But I can't stop thinking of those things ! What to do ? ): Momoren will never know nor understand .. Nor is th person suppose to know I'm referring to ta* . Hais ): Really shag ... I thought its completely over ! But its not ! Somehow maybe , but not fully ! Hais ! Sad life for me man ! Why isn't it ending ? Why's everything getting more complicated ? WHY ? Cos its my life ... Fated destiny .. Wei shen me ta* shi ni ne ?:( Every once I think back , I constantly can't stop thinking . Hais . What am I suppose to do ? June lerh , yet things are getting worst ... Why ?): More problems and things to worry , less things to smile and laugh about ... I really wish to hide somewhere and avoid everything ... If only , everything stopped . Even for a moment would be good .. Why won't things get better ? I smile I scream I shout , end of th day , what I'm left w is nothing but tears ... Why ? Maybe this holiday is a good time to make me completely forget everything .. Or isit really gonna just be like this all th way ?): Urghh ... Sucha great life I'm having . Hais . Who'll ever understand these feelings ? Hope I can get to sleep and wake up for sch .. Kk maybe time for afew drinks and off to Zzz !;(

LOST , SHAG , SAD ):

~*T,C&LWNR**~

12:16AM ; 01 June 11

Days are passing fast ~

Its gonna be th June holidays already ... Hais . I'm taking a step while days passes . Nothing special , just weird . Well , half of th year more to changing of everything . After N levels , things will change . Things have to change . Shagged . Things can never remain th same forever . As time passes , people and things change . Don't ever take things for granted in a moment , or you may regret it for life . And also , never procrastinate doing things you thought of doing , cos if you don't do it , you may never have th chance to anymore . In 2011 , is th year which most things changed and took place . I'll never forget this year . Hmmm ..

01:43PM ; 28 May 11

~*T,C&LWNR**~

):

Things are getting from bad to worst ! I wonder what to do then things will get better .. Hais ! So many things ... 3 years lerh , things haven't got any better ! Why can't we be better than how we started off ? I don't believe nothing last . Maybe nothing , BUT EXCLUDING TRUE FRIENDS ! But just why is all of this happening ? Maybe after each of us understand whats each other's having on their minds then this would be over ? I've already been making it so obvious and clear to you ... I don't wish things to continue this way . Afew more months and we might not be that close any more .. But why can't things just stop until at least this year ends and we don't see each other that often ? Hais ... Things really changed ! What can I say ? I've taken th inniciative to let you know almost everything that are on mind . But what about you ? Doing all those silly things won't even help but only hurt you . Maybe you just don't know I care ba .. Sigh !! What should I do ? ):

SAD SHAG SIAN !

~*T,C&LWNR**~

09:13PM ; 16 May 2011