Today was a good day! So happy she never come school so won't have to see her face and remember what she did. -.- Oh well okay whatever! Today was super in class. Like for th first time sooo hungry keep complaining. Potai all also keep saying so hungry today! (So means I'm normal for once) ^^ Finally after sch took mrt go eat Texas chickennn! :D K but sadly it taste not that nice. Have so many coupons also no use lor. Waste my 6 bucks!! DAMN THEM! :( After that jiu chiong down to his place there give mmr his ji fan! Around about 5 and he haven't even eat! Then keep refusing eat! Sooooo stubborn. That 1 hr plus was so enjoyable! He's so cute! :D Happy much:) I realise he's one of those people who would even bother when I get fed up, angry and upset. He's so sweet! Well, I just hope he'll stay this way to me all th way. After that jiu went home ^^And lately she and I have been becoming closer and closer while th other gets jealous. Wtf. Sometimes I really wonder why groups of people can't just be friends to all and stop this stupid jealousy. So irritating. But well I'm happy we're so close and she keeps my secrets to herself unlike HER -.- Tmrw going study till evening with her and him! Can't wait for tmrw to come:) Wheee ~ If things goes well, Friday we'll go study tgthr also! So thats all for today! :D Gonna do my revision now ^^ Byebye!

♥ ♥ ♥

~*T,C&LWNR**~

08:42PM ; 28 September 11

Today's his birthday. Sadly I can't get to celebrate or even spend time with him _|_ Knn. If I know that bloody shop would be closed I definitely would at least spend abit of time with him! F la! Buy th present also can't give today. He tonight ton, so I jiu give another day ba. Sad but its better for him to enjoy than spend th time coming over to take th present. And also anyway the freaking box I didn't get to go exchange! Went there but th stupid shop WAS CLOSED! Bloody hell! For th first time see th shop close! So unlucky la seriously! _|_ _|_ !! Hope will be able to give him by tmrw night or at least latest by wed! Or else I sure @#^&^*%$#^ liao! Hope he enjoys his night! And just now Enting and I wanted to go exchange th freaking box cos she follow me. After eating KFC le we go simei and th stupid shop close! We jiu go TM try to catch those hello kitty soft toy keychain all! I spent bout $30 and only caught 2! See she so sad and sian never catch jiu give her. ^^ Haha. So its like spending $15 for each stupid thing! Haha at least I caught and made someone smile! :) ^^ Happyhappy! Kk! Time to get started studying cos I'm dozing off any time! Next week N levels continuing and finishing for us! :D So ta ta! Blog again soon I hope! ^^

~*T,C&LWNR**~

07:37PM ; 26 September 11

Birthday over. Disappointed yet surprised. So many truths were out :) I'll start blogging bout my birthday ^^ On my birthday was late for school cos was waiting for mehmeh for th second time! Went to class, everything went on smoothly. But cos th si da hei make us stay back for half an hour read cos we were laughing when teacher $%^&*({ people. -.- K then everything when on well (: After sch at 3.30 we went KFC and had our buddy meals <3 ^^Cos I had those coupons (I know very typical but who cares! :D ) All 8 of us finally went out tgthr after so long. All snatch th coupons like crazy! Eat le they gave me my present out of a sudden! Thanks to them I :D again! After that jiu chiong go play pool. Play le, then I intended to go meet mmr. After playing for 1 half hour then go. No celebration totally nothing. Sadden but kept quiet. 5 of them went night study. 2 others went home. I went to that place again. Th carpark rooftop. Felt as if I was followed but didn't bothered much. By the time I reach upstairs it was getting dark. A year ago we went there to celebrate even though nothing was planned. Though it was a small celebration, I recall those times as if they were just yesterday. I took the candle I kept from my hello kitty cake from her. Lit it, closed my eyes and sang a song for myself sitting there where we celebrated my birthday. All those flashbacks, memories and everything appeared in mind as if it was really happening before my eyes.. Started to cry. Opened my eyes, made my wishes and stood around thinking of things. Shag but couldn't do much. Left th place and went meet mmr at Central. Surprisingly he cheered me up! Took a stroll to his place. After that he jiu take my present give me ^^ After that again started walking about 200 + aimlessly. Idk why, walking with him, I start to say things out. Everything that was bothering me, everything that was on my mind. After walking for about 1 and a half hour mmr sent me home :) Guess it was really a long time since I last talked to someone and my mood changed so swiftly! Happy much. Though I didn't have them, I had a wonderful birthday even though I was sad. Thanks to especially them, mmr and her for th simple celebrations :) Those presents they gave me were wonderful too ^^ Didn't thought I would receive any presents from anyone this year. They disappointed me much. Not even a birthday card or anything.. Sigh. Doesn't matter I guess? People leave as and when they feel like. Its not like I can stop them.

Their gifts were: 2 hello kitty stretchable keychains, 1 hello kitty bunny hp pouch and a pig-like-rabbit! Cute much. That day we were just cursing and swearing that the person didn't cut out for et's present and she saw th price! Before opening I thought maybe it would be there? :) Haha. They still told me CONFIRM don't have. When I saw th present I flipped th thing attached to it. LOL! The price was there! :D Haha. The other one jiu shi 3566 <3

Well k. This post is alittle long cos of th ups and downs I have been feeling lately.. I'll just go with whatever which comes byy and takes it as it goes. Cos this is life.

~*T,C&LWNR**~

08:29PM ; 22 September 11

Shag, really really shag...I saw part of a sentence of your msg, then quickly close th msg.. Really don't wish to read it... Already in tears badly.. Its just so nice you're not around when its my birthday... Too many things I wanna say to you... I really wanna see you so much, so many things on my mind... Just can't tell you..

Finally used all my courage and read the whole msg... Without you, how can I be happy? You won't understand anything... Tonight's gonna be a very, very long night....

~*T,C&LWNR**~

01:22AM ; 18 September 11

I hate it! Why are things getting in my way!? Wtf did I do again! Waiting for your msg, waiting for you, whats wrong with that? Everything I do also have wrong! What am I suppose to do? Really had it liao la hor! You want like this so much jiu sua. I no need your stupid care! Jiu hope you two happily get together. Shouldn't get in your way anymore. You happy jiu hao! _|_ Since I know my stand already I shouldn't keep be such a pest! What was I thinking? Think too much liao la! Its not even meant to be in th first place! I shouldn't care anymore. Friends? So be it. Its best that way anyway. Hais, whatever ba.

~*T,C&LWNR**~

06:39PM ; 13 September 11

Why why why? Why does things always have to turn out bad? At the point I thought you knew most, you would come tell me things which I want to hear, end up you said a load of things which hurt me most.. Sigh... I controlled, or else I'd sure %^*(!#& at you.. That day I nao fan with my brother cos of this too... He suddenly start talking about malay don't know whatsoever thing till I got damn dl, jiu never talk to him for more than a week.. Sigh. I was flaring from th moment you said those stuffs. Then I saw you posting at twitter saying hao xin mei you hao bao? I jiu take it its referring to me.. I didn't understand at all.. Was texting with someone so told her th whole thing.. And then what she said totally made sense.. It was cos you were afraid I got hurt th same way you got from HIM previously so you wanted to tell me before hand.. Just that you said it a little too direct and hurting... Sigh.. But why? Idk.. Idk what I'm even thinking of. Though we might be worlds apart, what makes us close is that he'd always make it a point to make me smile no matter what th situation is. He never fail to keep trying. His care, is totally much more than of anyone's now. Sooner or later he'll definitely overtake th ones which means alot to me in my heart. Everything he does, whatever he says, it seems as if though he's my diary. But sadly I just keep pushing him away cos we can't be so close cos we're just friends and cos I don't wish him to worry for me. His feelings, they're obvious enough. I don't wish to take th risk anymore and make things awkward again. Once is good enough. Hope there'll soon be an answer to all my unanswered questions and for things to get better :')

~*T,C&LWNR**~

02:22AM ; 11 September 11

Things aren't getting better as time passes, I guess? Yesterday went visiting with them cos you went. You said you quit smoking already, end up I think I saw you smoke? I treat it as my eyes were playing tricks on me. Then close to going back that time I heard someone asking you want smoke not, you say 'later' . How does later sound as if you have quit? Just pretending that I heard and see wrongly ba. I also started to think, how long more am I suppose to wait? Wait for you as long as I did for him? I don't really need any status but I just wanna know where's your heart heading for. Who's it for? The things you say, the things you do touches me. But then, what about HER? It definitely isn't over. Am I suppose to wait? Till when? I can wait, but there will be a time I'll get tired and wanna give up. I don't know if you're even worth it even I know you're better than th past him. You make me smiles, everything that makes me happy has you in them.. But there are too many buts, too many ifs, too many questions and too too many unanswered questions.. How am I to get those answers I want? All th answers you wanted from me all I've told you. But all that I've asked you? Sigh.. This time it sure isn't a one sided thing but its just too complicated. Am I suppose to step off stage again? I once let you go, am I suppose to do th same thing to let things have a better ending? SIGH! You promised to be there, but you're simply th reasons for me to always be in such a delima. Its impossible to turn to you for such things... Hais. Guess its left with only this blog and me.. Maybe twitter? You won't ever understand all these... You also once asked if I was th jealous type indirectly. Ofcourse I am, but how was I suppose to tell you such things? Some things aren't meant to be said just yet cos I still don't have that rights to say. Too many things... Sigh..

CONFUSED!

10:24PM ; 9 September 11

Today's 2 EL papers heng its quite okay. But thanks to oral and LC I'll sure get pulled down. Prolly a B or C for EL. MT surely get no lower than a C. Maths CPA, EBS gonna ping dao di. Must study and stop thinking of other things. But... Hais!!

Why isn't it me or to me? Why? Why is it so? Why does things have to point to me when its not someth good? Sigh. The only thing I can do is avoid and escape. There's nothing else I can do. There's no way to face such things... I hate it.. Thinking you could be th one there, its impossible. Its impossible for you to be there all th time. I've to grow up and stop relying on anyone. No one's gonna stay forever. There's a time you'll definitely go for sure. You have your own life and we're totally friends. Though your so sweet towards me, your words might be true. But what about for her? She still has and will have that place in your heart.. Sigh. Words can't be trusted... Gonna just do my best for the remaining 5 papers for N's. Must chiong dao di. Jiayou to myself...

~*T,C&LWNR**~

08:15PM ; 7 September 11

Decided come bloggg:) Finally, I'm being in a good mood. Guess its cos of you. You're th cause of my tears, smile, laughter and everything happening. Without you none of this will be possible. Though we're friends, as long as I know your feelings for me its good enough. It ain't a need to be a couple. As long as you happy, I am too. I didn't know you could be th someone which can initiate me to do so many things. Things I'd never want to take initiative to do, I already did to you. Things are getting better. I hope they will continue to be. N's have started. I really shouldn't be spending too much time on th comp already. So far chinese papers finally all over. Guess I'll get worse a B or C? Oral, listening and paper, was much MUCH easier than expected ^^ But sadly, for EL I haven't been doing so well :( Oral cui, listening cui:( Left th 2 main papers tmrw! If I don't score well, I guess its gg.com for me! :( Must do well for tmrw's paper!! Then jiu left with CPA EBS and maths! I better do well for especially MATHS OR ELSE I WILL FA SIAO. I still suck at it, but I'm trying.. K, gotta stop saying le. Need go study as I told myself gotta study at 5.30!! BYEBYE :D

~*T,C&LWNR**~

05:30PM ; 06 September 11

Its the first time I drink cos of you.. Fcking shag... Wonder what you wanted to say isit someth good or bad.. What I mean to you.. Will things end up to be someth good? Will you be alright? Sigh... You shi bai le... And you suddenly cared.. I thought you would, end up your shag and didn't bother much.... Sigh.. Gonna seh diao le,.... Drink and vomitted, feeling so awful... Time to go rest.. Doubt will be able to sleep so soon... Sigh...Seh seh seh..

*~T,C&LWNR**~

04:14AM ; 03 September 11

I guess they were all words to sweeten me up, to cheer me up.. I know things will never get better... No matter how much I try to fight for you, end up th answer wouldn't still be me. Your great, your perfectly flawless. I don't understand why had I done those kind of things to you and now it all returns... Sigh.. What goes around really goes around.. I deserve it... Waited for almost an hour for you to text me, end up you just went over to her and not even care. Then whats th point of me crying over thinking so much when I know its already pointless? I'm pathetic.. I guess its really pointless.. No matter how much I do and try it won't be of any use... I can't move on. Every single words you said is stucked up my mind.. Why do you have to treat me so nice when obviouslt your answer isn't me? Why are you doing this to me? I guess you've already got back what you wanted... You used to hate me for playing with your feelings. I hate it... Fcking shag.. I guess I'll be telling you all my feelings I have for you, once again... Sigh.. Fml..

12:47AM ; 02 September 11

So dulan with everything! Nb, what have I done wrong to you? Why you so buey kae yan with me like that?! Knn. I also never offend you. Fcker. Everytime you come near me someth bad happena. Make th whole cb thing drop on my leg that night, followed by your racism thing towards him. Pcb, you think you bigger than me jiu can like that? Want make fun want disturb me jiu come make me la. Other people also never do anything yet you've so many yi jian towards everything. Your th only one caring, bothering and trying to do all sorts of things to try cheer me up. Sigh.. I really have to control my fcked up attitude. I have to. I must. Gotta really calm down now. Hais.

08:28PM ; 01 September 11