Sigh. I a fcking bad mood now. Every little thing are getting on my nerves. Wtf. Idk whats wrong at all. I wonder what has gotten into me. So damn shag. What on earth's even happening? Don't feel like bothering bout anyone's texts or calls. I feel really tired. Who'll willingly stay and promise not to leave FOR GOOD? No one. No one can make such a promise. Guys, all the same. Patterns many many. Play finish liao find new one, or else is go jio another one. Tiong xim? Tiong lj. Full of craps and lies. Friends? Yea I've plenty of them. But when trouble's here, who will even bother to stay and listen? NO ONE. NO ONE WILL WILLINGLY CARE AND EVEN PUSH THINGS ASIDE TO EVEN LISTEN ME OUT. Hoping some day I just disappear. I'm sick of this shits. CKLPS. Only phrase I can think of describing. No one is reliable or trustable. All I have is myself. I'm only a toy and a replacement to people. Nothing more possible. I smile I laugh obviously cos I don't wanna seem shag or make those around me worried. Hais. Just wtf's wrong?! I hate being in my position. Whatever I do for people around me doesn't seem to be good enough. Though money might not be able to make people happy, for me it is. How I make friends stay for a longer period of time? Spend money on them, make them happier that way. A great example on it, a guy. He's the one I used to love the most I ever did to anyone, the one which meant the most to me. Just to help clear his debts, I forked out all I could till I suffered gastric for a very long time. Went around borrowing money like a dog till people see me also scared. Did all sorts of things just to save him his stupid life. Went out with him alone once the whole day, spent more than $70 just for him to not get bored, just for him to enjoy all he could. After everything is over, after all his debts, did he even rmb me as a friend? NO. He treats me like dirt until today. He must be still thinking what a great source of money I was.. So I guess if I was broke and stuffs, I'd not have friends. This is also the reason why I told a group of friends that all I needed was money, not friends. Yet another time I needa go through these nonsense. I wonder when will this ever end. FML! I don't deserve such a torture. I don't deserve any of these. I wanna disappear, I wanna be gone and not be here living like this so helplessly. This feeling, its really too much of loneliness. Though now I've still afew people to listen me out, some things are just too personal to be said to them. They won't understand, unless they experience it themselves. Hais. Thats why I'm trying to treasure everything I've got, doing and trying to hold people back from leaving. Nothing's even stopping.. Fated I guess. My best buddies are still twitter and blogging, the only things which I can turn to and be at when I'm shag and when I wanna be alone.. Thats all for now... Time for me to clean up those tears and start doing my things...

~*T,C&LWNR**~

10:32PM ; 27 August 11